Climbing back on the horse

So, this week I went to see the new surgeon at my local bariatric office. As you guys know, my actual surgeon is in Baltimore, and I went to this new office a few times after we moved... But I had no insurance for a while, so I haven't been to the office in two years.

I like the new surgeon. She's nice, no nonsense, and the first words she said weren't "you should revise". She actually listened to me, and agreed that we will see what we can do with this Band to get me back on track. And then we can explore other options. Which was what I wanted.

So I go to the nutritionist on 11/7, and go in for a fill under flouro in January to check on the state of my band. If everything looks good, then we will go forward. If not, then we will do more testing. I'm optimistic that I can use this tool.

I'll be there first to admit that I eat too much. I drink with my meals. I don't eat alot of fast food, but I also don't exercise. All on me.

And it's on me to get my head straight. To change my habits. And to get control of my life.

W. T. F.

So, it's been a while.

So what's happened since July 2017?

Not really much.

I'm still not working, but hoping that will change soon.

We went to Cooperstown in September.

We went to Iowa and Michigan in November.

We went to Myrtle Beach in December.

We are going to San Diego next week.

I've gained back every pound I lost from pre and post op in 2012.

I have lost my motivation. I have lost my will power.

I don't have health insurance so no visits to the surgeon for band adjustments or nutritionist.

The stupid part is that I KNOW what I need to do. I just don't feel like doing it. I don't want to get sweaty.

But I need to.

So I need to get back to the basics. I need to eat better. I need to exercise.

I know that I've said this a million times before. And I'll say it a million times more.

So that's my goal. Small changes. Long term goals.

Any tips and tricks to help make some changes and keep them?

Next steps

Last week, the nutritionist recommended that I start a meal plan that incorporates two protein shakes a day (breakfast/lunch), and a maximum of 2000 calories a day.

I had to order some more protein powder, and that arrived yesterday, so tomorrow I start that plan. I figured while the ELB is out of town for the next week, it would be the best time to do this since I know I get a little (lot) bitchy.

So here's to getting back on track, losing weight and being healthy. I want to fit back into my previously purchased clothes that I wore two winters ago and not have to buy more things that fit.

(baby) steps in the right direction

Today, I met with the nutritionist at my new Lapband doctor's office.

She had some good advice and we talked about the basics: making the choice of protein first, no drinking with meals, healthy choices, less white bread carbs, etc. I follow up in a month for progress. She gave me a calorie range to work for, and encouraged me to get back to tracking my food--which I am going to do.

I have lost weight recently--about 7lbs since May 16--and I haven't really been trying, so I think that's a good sign.

I just bought a new Fitbit Charge2 to replace my old Flex that has stopped working so great. I got two new shaker jars for mixing shakes, and I found out that even though I'm lactose intolerant, I can still do whey protein isolate, which means I can go back to using Unjury. I also bought some Chike protein coffee, which I tried this morning and I liked it pretty well. 

I'm getting into the right mindset. I feel my motivation showing up in places. Baby steps. Diet first then I can work on getting exercise back.

Back to the basics redux

Tomorrow, I restart my weight loss journey.

I have a notebook. I have protein powder. I have plain Silk, and I have the beginning of willpower.

I have the desire to lose weight. I have the desire to be healthy.

In a few weeks, I have a meeting with the nutritionist, and I expect that when I meet them, that I will be given a 1200 calorie/day diet plan. So I might as well start working on this now.

I am going to start writing down what I eat again. I'm going to work on cutting calories.  And I think I'm going to hold off on getting a fill for a little bit.

Now I just need to start sneaking in some exercise, and I'm sure that I'll start seeing the scale go down again.

Tomorrow starts the journey... Again!

Roadblocks

I went to see my new Lapband doctor yesterday for follow up and a fill.

No fill. He couldn't find my port, so now I need to have my next fill under flouroscopy. And pretty much every fill under flouroscopy. So I'm waiting for that to be scheduled, but I'm debating the need for a fill. I'm at 4.5 in a 10 band. I am feeling some restriction, and I'm almost afraid to mess with things to much. My band is temperamental and sometimes something as small as .25 will cause me to go from  too open to closed.

I have an appt with the nutritionist on June 12. Maybe getting a better eating path will be as effective as a fill right now.

Essentially, he feels that if I can stick with a reduced calorie diet and exercise that I can lose weight. Well, ya, I know that. I'm just trying to get motivated to start exercising. Apparently, there is no such thing as spring in Missouri. It went from winter to 90's. So of course I don't want to do stuff outside.

So I'm looking for my motivation. I think I left that in Baltimore last year... Probably in the storage unit. Maybe I'll find out this summer.

I watch the My 600lb life to try and help motivate me. I don't think it helps. And I think my Fitbit is getting ready to die and I'm trying to decide is it's worth investing in a new Charge 2 as a replacement. Any guidance on the Fitbit is appreciated!

But I did lose 4lbs. I guess that's a start!

Trying to turn a page

So, the past 12 months I haven't done a thing. I haven't exercised with regularity, I haven't tracked food intake, counted calories, or restricted myself.

I'm paying the price. I had to buy fat pants for work. I had to buy shirts up a size larger than I usually wear. My back hurts all the time. I'm tired. I feel lazy.

I have regained everything I lost in 2012-2014.

And now I need motivation. I need to get my eating under control. I need to cut back on carbs. I need to start moving again.

So I've started by getting my first fill in about a year five weeks ago. Before the move last year, I went and got an unfill, which dropped my band down to the 3cc starter level. Now I'm at 4.5 cc, and it's helped slightly. I get soft stops, but I still drink when I'm eating. That's probably the hardest habit to break.

I have a second fill tomorrow.

My PCP wants me to meet with a therapist. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I know that I need to make a change. I'm just lazy. I lack willpower and motivation. It's a catch 22. I know that I'll feel better once I start exercising again... But I know that results take time, and I want instant gratification.

I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I just need me to be on board.

So how do you find the missing piece? How do I reclaim that part of me that was so eager and enthusiastic five years ago?

Is it worth seeing a professional? Can I do it on my own? If you've seen a professional therapist for weight issues, how did it go? Did it help?