Post for Week five

This is the post that I wrote for week five, and then never posted. I'm posting it now because I really think I need to. I will get caught up.  I've been incapaciated with a nasty cold since last week--and then the hurricane canceled our class this week. But don't worry--I'll be getting better about this. I promise. :)

Week Five:

Week five was actually all about reading food labels.  I know, right? It was informative, but I know how to read a food label. And no one really did any extraneous talking about their personal issues—SCORE! But it also makes for a very boring class.

On the plus side, I lost 2lbs, even with the visit from my Aunt Flow that made me eat EVERYTHING.IN.SIGHT.  Luckily, I tried my best to make sure that everything in sight was healthy. 

As I get further into this process and I begin to accept the entire lifestyle change that this entails, it’s becoming more obvious that the people in my class will also be a support system.  They are the ones who show up every week (mostly) and sit through the classes with me. They are the ones that hang out with me before class, talking in the halls about the previous week and the challenges we faced.  How we ate two servings instead of one. How we went over on our calorie counts. How we got stressed out and ate a whole container of cookies, or just couldn’t resist that trip through the McDonalds drive through (not me!).

Going into this process, I made the decision from the beginning that I would only go through with it if I was able to get the Lap-Band. This is a personal decision that I came to, and I plan to stick with it. I also made the decision that I would keep this entire process a secret. I don’t plan on telling my co-workers. I haven’t told my best friend. I don’t plan on telling my family. The only people who know this process are my boyfriend, a good friend who had her own band done, the people in my class, and anyone reading this. I am ANONYMOUS.

Starting this journey has been hard.  Making the decision to attend the information session took huge chutzpah on my part. Who wants to admit that they have a problem, much less have to seek out help to resolve it in a public forum? I’m very stubborn. I thought I could do this on my own—but I can’t. And the help I need is in the form of major surgery that will hopefully shut up my brain when it realizes that I can’t eat everything it tells me to shove in my gullet. 

So yes, expect some bitching and whining over the next year or so—or however long I decide to keep this going. I know me. I will most likely count calories until I drive people crazy. I will ask questions of my friend about her band until she probably stops talking to me. I will complain that I’m hungry. I will still try to find humor in my classes that I can share here. But I also want to be real, with myself and with you. I want people to know that this isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be. I feel like I’m starting the war to end all wars—the war with myself.  Because I know that I AM my biggest enemy. I will be the first person to sabotage myself. I will find reasons to justify that cookie, or the swing through the drive through, or justify any weight gain as hormonal. So, not only am I accountable to my boyfriend, and two BBF’s from class (Bariatric Best Friends), but I am also making myself accountable to YOU!

Weeks 5 and 6

I had written a post about week 5 and reading nutrition labels, and then never got around to posting it. Then last week was exercise week, and then two days later I got the stomach flu and have been incapacitated since then.

I hope to post an update before week 7 class tomorrow.

Week 4 (or all Dundalk, all the time!)

Adding to the cast of characters this week:
Chipmunk--the Clinicial psychologist/psychiatrist
Now--aunt of Later
Minny--older black woman who is totally channeling Octavia Spencer from The Help. No joke!
Marge—older white woman with a raspy smoker voice. She just makes me think of a Marge.

This week, Blondie took the night off, and we had a guest leader whose first name was a cute little furry animal---so for privacy sake, I'm going to call her Chipmunk! Using the actual cute little furry animal might be too much of a giveaway.

Chipmunk was there to help us learn to recognize why we eat, and what triggers our eating habits. It's a topic that would have been interesting to pursue more in-depth, as I know that this is one of the issues I need help with. What DOESN’T trigger me to eat is a more valid question.

Some highlights of the night are below.  Unfortunately, my BBF was absent because she’s on an awesome vacation, where at last email, she was having an eating blowout.  And Amber was also absent for reasons unknown.  Tennessee was also missing again.  I hope he didn’t give up already! And apparently, in Ambers absence, Dundalk plopped herself RIGHT NEXT TO ME for the night, so I got to be HER new Best Friend. I actually spent most of the class with my head turned away to avoid breathing in her cigarette smoke and unwashed state of dress. At least Amber is clean, even if she's wearing PJ's.  

On triggers:
Chipmunk: Okay, now I want you to think about reasons why people eat? What kind of triggers involve food? What makes you eat when maybe you really aren’t hungry?
Now:  Celebrations.  People always want to celebrate things with food.
Chipmunk: Good, anyone else?
Minny: Barb-b-que.
Chipmunk: Okay, that's a good answer as a trigger food--but I'm actually looking more for trigger behaviors. 
Minny: The smell of it cooking. The way it tastes.
Dundalk: Spicy food!  
Chipmunk: Okay, so spicy food makes you want to eat?
Dundalk: I LOVE spicy food. I can eat it all the time. (wait for it--contradiction to follow!)
Chipmunk: Okay, but what I'm really looking for is an external trigger that makes you want to eat. Things like celebrating an event. Birthday parties, for example.
Marge: Sorrow?
Chipmunk: Yes, depression can be a trigger.
Marge: No, I meant a funeral. You know, when people bring a lot of food to the house.
Chipmunk: So not actual depression, but just the availability of food?
Marge: Yes….maybe…

On recognizing hunger:
Chipmunk: How do you know when you’re hungry? What signals you to say that you need to eat?
Now: Your stomach growls.
Chipmunk: Good. Anyone else?
Dundalk: I don’t know. I never get hungry.
Chipmunk: You NEVER get hungry?
Dundalk: Nope. I’m forced to eat three times a day, but I don’t ever get hungry.
Chipmunk: You’re forced to eat?
Dundalk: I’m never hungry, so I have to be forced to eat, and I have to take pills for nausea because thinking about food makes me sick.
Marge: I get a headache.
Chipmunk: (to Marge) Good example. Sometimes, that’s an indication of low blood sugar.
Dundalk: I hate eating (another contradiction—we are in a weight loss class!).
Chipmunk: (you can literally see the wheels turning in her brain). I see.  So you are never hungry? You are forced to eat, and you take pills just to contemplate eating?
Dundalk: Yeah.
Chipmunk: Hmmmm…..


On signals for being full:
Chipmunk:  Satiety.  Do you know what it means? It means to be satiated, or to feel full or complete. So, what does being full feel like?
Now: Being full feels like being satiated.
Chipmunk: Yes, but I just said that. What does being full FEEL like to you? How do you know when you are full and when to stop eating?
Minny: When I’m stuffed and I can’t eat another bite!
Dundalk: When I’ve eaten so much I can’t possibly eat anything else, and I’m vomiting because my stomach can’t hold anything more?
Chipmunk: Yes, when you have eaten so much that your body can’t hold anymore food and is forcing elimination, that would be the point that you are past full. 

The past week....

The past week has been trying, especially on the eating part. 

Weekends are my weak points. I know this. I admit this freely. I get bored, and suddenly, my idle hands are thinking of things to shove in my mouth. So I look for ways to fill the hours that don't involve eating (or biting my finger nails--another bad habit).

This weekend, I pulled out a knitting kit that I bought two years ago. It's for kids. It has HUGE wooden knitting needles (color coded red and blue). It came with super thick funky pink yarn.  The idea is that a kid can knit the Chunky Funky Scarf in less than two hours.  I have tried to knit this scarf (on and off) UNSUCCESSFULLY or over two years now.

WTF. I'm not an idiot. I am college educated. But for the life of me, I cannot knit this stupid scarf. I can (sorta) get the casting on. I can do a whole row of stitches--but when it comes to switching hands and going backwards---it all goes downhill from there.

In between trying to teach myself how to knit, I ate a ton of steamed rice and sauteed veggies. Figured that if I was going stuff my face, I would make it somewhat healthy. I did pretty good the rest of the time, until yesterday. I stress eat, and I got stressed at work, which resulted in me walking through the door at home and eating 3 slices of deli ham and a Fiber One brownie. Then I ate my grilled chicken and grilled brussels sprouts for dinner.

Class/weigh in is tonight.  Keeping my fingers crossed that I didn't gain (I've lost each week so far), and hoping that my visit from Aunt Flow won't cause me to retain too much water this week.

See, I can be serious, too.  And maybe I'll try to be a little less mean. 

Week three

During week three of the Bariatric class, I decided to change things up and sit in a new spot.  Honestly, I wanted to sit somewhere other than near Amber, so I moved to the other side of the classroom. It’s not that I don’t like Amber, but she’s annoying.  So. Annoying.

So I move to the other side of class, and guess who decides to move with me? AMBER! She sits down right next to me, because apparently, we are now best friends! Yay, me! (Just in case it’s not obvious, that’s sarcasm).  I don’t want to be friends with her, because then I will feel guilty about making fun of her…well, not so guilty that I’ll stop, but I might not be as snarky.  And then what would be the point of this?

Will the real Dundalk please stand up?

During week two class, about 7 people didn’t show up, including *drum roll please* DUNDALK! The girl that I THOUGHT was Dundalk was NOT Dundalk. (I thought she looked cleaner and more nicely dressed than what I thought Dundalk actually looked like.)  The REAL Dundalk has a side neck tattoo of her name? Maybe—it’s someone’s name. She also seems to have a lot of other oddly placed tattoos. Her uniform of choice runs to grungy T-shirts for things like Nascar, beer, and other white trashy “likes”, leggings,  and plastic flip-flops.  At least Amber rocked her Pajama Jeans for class this week!

Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of ‘funny’ anecdotes this week, but this is the best of the bunch.

On making milk substitutions:

Blondie:  So continuing from where we left off last week, how many people decided to make a simple change, like going from whole milk to 1% or even skim? Anyone?

HnH:  What if we use half-n-half?

Blondie: We talked about this last week. You really should try changing your half-n-half to at least 1%. Half-n-half is really a waste of calories.  

Dundalk:  What if I already use 1%?

Blondie:  That’s fine.  You weren’t here last week, but that was a simple change that I thought everyone would be able to make.

Dundalk: Oh, well, I didn’t need to be here. My husband already had this done, and I already have all of his books, so I just looked at them.

Blondie: It’s good that you read some of the materials, but you are required to complete every section of this class in order to be approved for your surgery. Everyone who missed last week will need to schedule to make up that one class when the next session starts.

(it should be noted that at least 10 people didn't show up for week three. Did they quit?)

On high triglyceride diet (again):

Amber: So, I don’t understand why you want me to eat all of these foods that are bad for my high triglycerides. You should know that I can’t eat bread, and I can’t have fruit…those are all bad for my triglycerides. So is milk. Milk has sugar, and you want me to drink milk!

Blondie: What I suggest is that instead of going over this each week in class and taking away time from the teaching, you should call and schedule an appointment with a nutritionist in our office.  Then you can come in and spend an hour with her to learn what you can and cannot eat to help you meet your nutritional goals.

Amber: But I’m already eating ONLY triglyceride lowering foods. I only eat 90% lean ground beef. I only eat wheat bread. I only eat turkey breast. I eat olive oil. I eat….

Blondie:  Call the office tomorrow and schedule an appointment with a nutrition…

Amber:  I can’t eat what you want me to eat! This has to be modified.

Blondie: (sigh)

In the parking lot after class (because my new best friend wants to walk with me):

Amber: You know, Blondie is trying to kill me. She doesn’t understand that I can’t eat a lot of this food. It’s bad for my triglycerides!

Me: I don’t know, Amber. I think you should schedule an appointment to go in and meet with the nutritionist. She did say that some modification might need to be made for you.

Amber:  I don’t trust her. What kind of person tells someone with high triglycerides that it’s okay to eat carbs? Carbs  cause triglycerides. And fruit! Fruit is horrible for you. It’s nothing but carbs! And she wants us to eat fruit every day!

Me: Well, I really need to get going now….

Amber: I think she’s trying to kill me!

Me:  I don’t think Blondie is trying to kill you.  If she killed off everyone in her classes she wouldn’t have a job. She’s not going to do anything to jeopardize your health.  She’s a professional. 

Amber:  Do you think she hates me?

Me: Okay, bye! (walking to car)

Weekends are the worst!

I know that this is supossed to be all fun and laughs, but I think that I might actually post some serious stuff about the trials leading up to the surgery.

Just so you know, dieting during the week is SO EASY.  Work provides structure. Yes, nights are a little harder to handle, but really, it's just dinner and bed.  Now weekends, on the other hand, have no structure at all. My sleep hours are disjointed. I don't eat at regular normal times. I am lazy about writing down anything I eat. I snack from boredom. I don't exercise. Basically, I turn into a blob.

I need to figure out how to get weekend eating under control. I ate an entire bag of potato chips over the course of Saturday and Sunday. A. Whole. Bag. I did make SOME healthy choices by eating alot of homemade turkey chili, and turkey and avacado sandwiches--but that's not enough to offset the entire bag of chips...and the cookies. I forgot all about the cookies.

So, if anyone has some tips, please feel free to leave them in the comments.  No suggestion is stupid.

I forgot something about last meeting

As I was walking out, talking with a classmate about becoming "accountability buddies", or as I like to call it, BBF, or bariatric best friends, Amber latched on and walked with us.  We came to the first door exit to outside, but since our meetings are held in a hospital, the entrance is key card controlled, so to get in OR out, you need to be an employee. 

Amber gets angry, and is like, "That's stupid. Why can't we get out of this door?". So I explained the key card thing, and said, "Well, we just need to walk back to the door we came in. C'mon, it's exercise....that's why we're here, right? Right!"

So, as me and BBF and Amber continue to walk down the hall, Amber is like, "I don't need any more exercise. I do Zumba five times a week, and that burns like 1,000 calories every time!".  Really?  You're motivated to do Zumba? You wore PAJAMAS to the first class--and it was at 6pm! I seriously doubt you see the light of day before noon most weeks.

Another Amberism from the last class came during the nutrition discussion.  After we get started into the green book, and talking about calories, etc, Amber sticks her hand in the air, and says, "But what if I'm already doing EVERYTHING in this book? Do I have to take the rest of the class?".

You know what, Amber, most of us are already doing the simple changes like eating lean protien, eating alot of veggies, reducing carb intake, etc.  Obviously, if you were restricting your calorie intake and exercising as much as you say you are, YOU wouldn't need to be here!