oops..I did it again!

After writing about my eating on Friday, Saturday turned out to be a sorta banner day for food. I made a pot of turkey chili, and every time I ate some, I did it with a ramekin and a cocktail spoon. Yes, during the course of the day, I probably had 6 of those little ramekins of chili--but usually I would have had 2 cups in a giant soup bowl (covered with shredded cheese)every time instead (which is usually three or more times)--so baby steps but it's still progress.

Yesterday, though, I did my eating thing bad again. The ELB and I stopped at Chili's on the way home from College Park. We did the 2 for $20 deal. I had three of the boneless buffalo wings (think crispy chicken nuggets), and all of the celery. I had ordered the Honey Pepper grilled chicken and shrimp. It came served on oven roasted potatoes and green beans. I ate the shrimp, and then packed up the rest to go home.

Fast forward to four hours later, and even though I still felt full and satisfied--my brain kept telling me that I needed to eat dinner because if I waited too much longer, it would be too late to eat. So I ate the grilled chicken breast, potatoes, and green beans. All of it. And it was WAY TOO MUCH food. But did I stop myself from eating all of it? No. I justified it because after I had eaten half of the chicken, I was like, well, it's stupid to save this half of a chicken breast for later--I'll just eat it now. I can't leave just two potatoes, so I'll just go ahead and finish them now.  And the whole time, I was hating myself for not being able to stop the fork.

This is what I struggle with.

I am seriously wondering if hypnosis would be helpful in shutting off the part of my brain that does this to me. My Band was screaming at me to stop--but I didn't. I kept going....and going.

Has anyone else ever tried hypnosis to help control their eating issues? I see deals on Groupon and Living Social sometimes for a session for $50--and I was wondering if it's worth the money to see if it helps at all.

I just can't keep doing this to myself.

Listening to the band

I'm getting better at it. I learned allot about it yesterday snag last night. And I'll continue to learn about it (and me) as i continue this journey.

Thank you ladies for your support. I struggle with not knowing if what I'm going thru is normal, and without a real band support group locally, i really appreciate having you be honest and share your own struggles.

On that note I'm going to do some housework..but will leave you with an image of a bunny on my tummy (TM pending) which is an awesome stress reliever.

I have a problem

I honestly think that I am a food addict.

Today, I went to lunch with a friend at Noodle Co. I got my order, ate about 1/2, boxed the rest. I was comfortable. THEN I ate 1/2 of a rice krispy treat they sell there. Okay, I was feeling somewhat unconfortable, but I was still okay. No pb or slime or anything--just really full. and I could kind of feel things starting to back up some.

Fast forward an hour, and I sneak a bite of my leftovers. Why? I don't know--I wasn't hungry--I just wanted it. It kind of got a little stuck--i had just a tiny little bit of slime, and then it moved down. I backed off. I didn't NEED anything more to eat.

Fast forward about 30 minutes after that, and I eat a freaking CUPCAKE.

W.T.F.

I have no idea why I do this to myself.

I didn't even WANT the cupcake--I think in my head, I just had the idea that it could possibly be the BEST CUPCAKE EVER (even though it wasn't)...and I didn't want to miss out.

It's not even head hunger--because I am not feeling any hunger. I don't know if it's just years of bad habits, if it's a mental compulsion, or what....but this can't be normal....can it? Or is this the same type of things that all of you also struggle with every day? I can't be alone in this. I hope I'm not alone in this.

Made some goals!

I was afraid that since I was already rocking some restriction this week, that the 0.5cc that my surgeon put in on Wednesday would make me TOO tight, and that I would end up having issues and would have to go back and get some taken out.

As of right now, I'm doing okay with the amount. I did good with sticking with soft foods yesterday until last night when I made the ELB some homemade biscuits for dinner--and I ended up having two of them. I didn't get stuck, but they did sit there for a while. I also had oven roasted broccoli with mushrooms--and bacon. I probably didn't get enough protien, which is totally my fault. And apparently, despite all of my education, I am unable to spell protein..protien? Crap.

Anyways, I deffinitely need to slow down, take smaller bites, and chew chew chew! I haven't gotten stuck on anything yet--but I do feel things as they go down--especially if they are big.

So happy it's the weekend! I have goals!
1. Clean the bathroom!
2. Do the laundry!
3. Clean the kitchen!
4. Kill the mouse that is tormenting my baby girl!
5. Try to take my vitamins!
6. Make some chili! (or something similarly yummy)

Will I get them all done? Or will I be a lazy ass and sit and watch cheesy movies and old TV shows all weekend while the ELB is working? Let's find out next week!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

A loss is a loss!

I was SLIGHTLY disappointed that when I got on the scale at the surgeons office that I wasn't down more than what I was. According to the scale in their office, I was only down 1.6.lbs from my last appointment in July.

I'll take it! That means that I lost the stress weight that I gained during August, but it also means that the discrepancy between my PCP and my surgeons scale isn't consistant. Although, in all fairness, at my PCP, I did weigh in the morning, I didn't eat breakfast, etc....and by the time I had been to the sugeons last night, I had eaten lunch, drank iced tea, and ate some yogurt. 

I did get a fill--0.5cc, so now I'm at 6cc total. I told him that I was still eating large portions too quickly, and that I am literally counting down the hours between meals. Well, 75% of the time I am--when I am not rocking restriction like I have been this week.

He didn't make me do the drinking test this time--he just checked my level (5.5cc), and told me that he was going to put in 0.5cc, asked me if I felt any pressure (which I didn't)...and then was done. Afterwards, I sat up and he had me drink some water and it didn't back up into my throat.

I should know by tomorrow if it's going to be too tight so that I can get in and have some taken out if needed. My friend who had hers a few weeks before me has 8.5 in her band--and has been at that level since her second fill. I can't imagine EVER having that much in it, but who knows that will happen in the future. I just want to see the scale continue to go DOWN.

I am SO CLOSE to the 350's that I can taste it. I know that 350 seems HUGE to most of you--especially those of you who started at my goal weight (of 250)--but for me, this would be a huge accomplishment. I haven't weighed under 350 since college--so I am really anxious to break this barrier. Every time I lose weight, I hit the 350s and plateau and then start to regain. I am BREAKING this cycle. I will get through the 350's, and I will not look back.

I am going to keep on doing my best to stay on plan, I am going to work on controlling my portions (hopefully with some help from Donny), and I hope that when I go back in 6 weeks for my next check in (on November 13) that I have blitzed the 350's and will be in the 340's. Wouldn't that be terrific?!?

Love you guys! Thanks for being so supportive. I love being a part of your journey--and I'm so glad that you are part of mine!

Six months ago today....

I said yes to the rest of my life with LapBand.

I have not regretted the decision.

Do I regret some of the decisions that I make with what I eat which have slowed my progress--yes, but not the choice to have the surgery.

I was out of control with my eating and weight gain. I knew that unless I did something drastic, that would only continue to go up. I weighed 428 lbs when I started the journey. That was August 27, 2012. Today, my weight starts with a 3...and will hopefully be in the 350's when I go this afternoon. And by this time next year--my weight will start with a 2. I haven't weighed in the 2's since high school.

Since getting my surgery, although my progress is slower than some, my weight has come down. My numbers at my doctors office today--six months post surgery, are awesome.

A1C--6.6 (drop from 6.8 just three months ago!)
Blood pressure--112/72
Triglycerides--144 (should be less than 150)
HDL (good) Cholesterol--51 (should be more than 50)
LDL (bad) Cholesterol--145 (should be less than 100)

So, my LDL is still high--but not as high as it was six months ago.  My dad also has high cholesterol--so it might be genetics, but my PCP wants to check it again in six months. She's confident that with continued exercise and weight loss, I can bring that number down, too, without the need for medication. How awesome is that?

I go to see my surgeon tonight about getting a fill, but now I'm wondering if he will let me have one. At my PCP today, according to her scale, I've lost 5 lbs since my visit on Aug 29. The scale at the surgeons weighs differently, so we will see.

Right now, I'm ejoying some Chobani 0% yogurt mixed with SF jello cheesecake pudding mix and some madagascar bourbon vanilla. I topped it with a dab of Trader Joes Pumpkin butter....delicious! It's like eating pumpkin cheesecake! And I only had half of my chickfila grilled chicken wrap for lunch. No walk today, but will take care of that when I get home.

Isn't it an awesome day? Hope you are all having awesome days, too!

Google!

I am a Google whore. The ELB is more so than me. So this morning, when I saw the GoogleMap Streetview car parked down the street from work--I HAD to get a picture. The ELB is jealous!

In Bandland, I'm still rocking the restriction. W.T.F.

Yesterday, I got in 4 miles of walking. My calories topped at out 1290 for the day. THIS is what Band life should be like--yet, I know that 75% of the time, I struggle. I struggle to keep my calories low. I struggle to get enough exercise. I struggle to get my water in.

I have my 6 month band appointment tomorrow (actually ON my 6 month bandiversary--how rare is that?). I want a fill. I want to be rocking this restriction and energy and feeling good about stuff more often than one week a month. Okay, I'm dreading the scale because I am sure that I've gained--and it's week three before Aunt flow shows up--so I'm about 99% sure that I will show a gain. A gain bodes well for getting a fill--but is disappointing nonetheless.

I never updated my ticker when I had the small gain a few weeks ago--because it wasn't my official weigh in--I just ran in and got on the scale.  To be consistant, I always schedule my Band appts on Wednesday. I always wear the same pants. And I always go at the same time of day so that as many factors are as close each time so that I get the most accurate weight reading. It will be updated tomorrow--good or bad. Would love to see good--but expecting the bad.

But this week, I'm doing awesome so far. Yes, it's only Tuesday--but every day is a new chance to be on plan. To get exercise. To make good choices.

I just have to remember that when I choose to eat a cookie, or a cupcake, or a slice of pizza...I have to decide, what's in it for me? That stuff won't help me get into my next size down pair of jeans that have been patiently waiting since June. That stuff won't help me to get a better job. That stuff won't make me happier...and it will probably make me feel like crap.

I need to remember that I am doing this for ME. Not for the ELB. Not for you. Just for me.