Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Post for Week five

This is the post that I wrote for week five, and then never posted. I'm posting it now because I really think I need to. I will get caught up.  I've been incapaciated with a nasty cold since last week--and then the hurricane canceled our class this week. But don't worry--I'll be getting better about this. I promise. :)

Week Five:

Week five was actually all about reading food labels.  I know, right? It was informative, but I know how to read a food label. And no one really did any extraneous talking about their personal issues—SCORE! But it also makes for a very boring class.
On the plus side, I lost 2lbs, even with the visit from my Aunt Flow that made me eat EVERYTHING.IN.SIGHT.  Luckily, I tried my best to make sure that everything in sight was healthy. 
As I get further into this process and I begin to accept the entire lifestyle change that this entails, it’s becoming more obvious that the people in my class will also be a support system.  They are the ones who show up every week (mostly) and sit through the classes with me. They are the ones that hang out with me before class, talking in the halls about the previous week and the challenges we faced.  How we ate two servings instead of one. How we went over on our calorie counts. How we got stressed out and ate a whole container of cookies, or just couldn’t resist that trip through the McDonalds drive through (not me!).
Going into this process, I made the decision from the beginning that I would only go through with it if I was able to get the Lap-Band. This is a personal decision that I came to, and I plan to stick with it. I also made the decision that I would keep this entire process a secret. I don’t plan on telling my co-workers. I haven’t told my best friend. I don’t plan on telling my family. The only people who know this process are my boyfriend, a good friend who had her own band done, the people in my class, and anyone reading this. I am ANONYMOUS.
Starting this journey has been hard.  Making the decision to attend the information session took huge chutzpah on my part. Who wants to admit that they have a problem, much less have to seek out help to resolve it in a public forum? I’m very stubborn. I thought I could do this on my own—but I can’t. And the help I need is in the form of major surgery that will hopefully shut up my brain when it realizes that I can’t eat everything it tells me to shove in my gullet. 
So yes, expect some bitching and whining over the next year or so—or however long I decide to keep this going. I know me. I will most likely count calories until I drive people crazy. I will ask questions of my friend about her band until she probably stops talking to me. I will complain that I’m hungry. I will still try to find humor in my classes that I can share here. But I also want to be real, with myself and with you. I want people to know that this isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be. I feel like I’m starting the war to end all wars—the war with myself.  Because I know that I AM my biggest enemy. I will be the first person to sabotage myself. I will find reasons to justify that cookie, or the swing through the drive through, or justify any weight gain as hormonal. So, not only am I accountable to my boyfriend, and two BBF’s from class (Bariatric Best Friends), but I am also making myself accountable to YOU!

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