Wednesday, December 19, 2012

No class this week!

There is no class this week. Or next week. Or the week after.  Our next scheduled class is January 8, 2013.

That  being said, I took the initiative to schedule off-week weigh ins. 

Last weekend. I traveled. I spent two whole days sitting in a car. I did not get to walk. However, I did pack food for the road in the form of  sandwiches. If I wanted a snack, I had string cheese. I did eat one Hershey's special dark chocolate bar with Almonds. Only 180 calories for the whole thing.

I went to weigh in with some trepidation yesterday. I went to the Bariatric office, and when I weighed, I was down 1.7 pounds from my previous weeks weigh in at class.  The girl that was there told me that if I wanted to, I could come back that evening and weigh in on the class scale so that it would be more consistent. When I reweighed on the class scale, I had lost 3 pounds.

I am VERY proud of myself for forgoing the fried seafood feast. As I found out recently, fried foods don't like me anymore. They make me very sick. So it makes it VERY easy to stay away from them now. I am also making a conscious effort to stay away from pasta.  I read that for some Banders, pasta and breads can 'clog' your hole and make you sick. I figure that if I begin weaning myself off the refined carbs now, it will be better for me in the future.

To date, I am down 18.5 pounds from the beginning of my class. My goal was to lose 20 pounds by January 1.  I am only1.5 pounds away from my goal, with vacation and traveling looming for next week. However, I am already making a grocery list for the food that I will pack to take with me. We rented a condo at the beach with a kitchen--so I can cook and stay on plan. I am keeping my fingers crossed that when I weigh in on January 2 at the Bariatic office, it is lower than my number yesterday-that way I will know if I lost! It might not be exact, but it will give me a gauge of my progress.

I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday! I'll hopefully be back with a positive weight loss post on 1/2/13!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A week away from the scale...

Is NOT something I look forward to! Last night was our last class until JANUARY 8.  Do you know what happens between now and January ?  That’s right—holidays.  Traveling. Visits with friends and family. Food. Cookies. Stress. Emotions. Eating. In the end, even the happiest times of the year lead back to eating. And that is a cycle that I am trying very hard to break.
I am taking the initiative to schedule off week weigh ins during the holidays to keep myself on track.  When I know that there is a scale waiting for me every week, it makes me accountable for everything I put in my mouth.  When I know that the scale is FOUR WEEKS AWAY, I will undo every ounce of progress that I have made since September! Out of sight, out of mind, right?
On a positive note, even with the week away from the scale—and two Christmas parties and a football game last week—I still managed to eek out another 2.5 lbs on the scale. I lost the pound I gained during my period, and then lost another 1.5 lbs. I honestly expected a 7lb gain.  I know you think I’m crazy—how can you gain 7lbs in a week—well, I’m not. It’s possible. I’m living proof of that! It takes FOREVER to lose a pound—but you can gain a pound in like an hour if you aren’t careful.
I’m now down 15.5 pounds from my first class weigh in.  It’s taken a long time to get here—but I’m doing it. 
Class last night was actually a reiteration of the information session that we first attended about bariatric surgery. It went over the LapBand, the roux-en-Y procedure, and the sleeve.  It was interesting because the class leader said that most people start off the class wanting to have the LapBand—but end up having the Roux-en-Y instead.  In my class, only three people want to do LapBand—everyone else is bypass.  If the LapBand wasn’t an option, the only other one I would consider would be the sleeve—but there’s no long term data or studies on 5+ years—so I think I’ll stick with my original decision. I am committed to the band!
BTW, I also had my required psych evaluation yesterday, and I passed! Not like it was a test, but you know—it’s making sure that you are ready and committed to the life style change necessary to be successful with your chosen surgery, that you are doing it for the right reasons, that you are mentally able to handle the changes that will face you as you continue on your journey, etc. I know that I still have a lot of challenges ahead of me on this journey, but I know that as I get further in the process, I will be able to face them and accomplish them.
Happy Holidays! Here’s hoping that I can continue to lose weight over the holidays.  I’d like to lose at least 4.5 pounds by January 1. Fingers crossed!

Friday, December 7, 2012

I am weak

I am so weak. I have absolutely no willpower. When presented with an array of food, I am like an addict needing a fix of crack. I think about it, and I obsess about it, and I think about how I can get it and no one would know. Sick, right?
Yesterday, we had our annual holiday potluck at work.  There was an assortment of dishes including ham and beef, mac and cheese, corn casserole, broccoli salad, assorted hot dips, Jello salad, chips/crackers/bread, and of course, the Christmas cookies and cake.
I went in strong. I had one plate, and I chose the healthiest options—I had more protein than carbs, I bypassed the mac and cheese and corn casserole (my own contribution), and I had broccoli salad (made with splenda) and Jello salad with fruit. I had three crackers with a taste of each hot dip just to try, and one roll.  Not bad, right? That was one plate. And I was done. But then I wanted more Jello salad—so I got another small scoop of that with three Triscuits. And then I was done. I was stuffed—but I was good and could walk away.  
Then the Christmas cookie tray came around, and I took one of each, because I knew that they were good since I had them last year.  And they were mini cookies.  I did not eat any of the black bottom cake. Now I was beyond stuffed. I felt like a roly-poly and that someone would have to waddle me back to the office.  But I still felt that all things considered, I had made some pretty good choices. Not perfect—but better than in years past.
Then I got hit with emotions after the Secret Santa gift exchange. My gift was so similar to what my mom would have gotten me if she was still here, that I got upset. I cried. Alot. It was a happy cry because I loved everything in my gift—but a sad cry because this is the first Christmas without my mom. And that my mom would never ever buy me another gift just because she saw something she thought I would love. And that made me emotional. And it wasn't about the gifts my mom would give me. It was that she loved me regardless of how much I weighed, or if I screwed something up.
And I turned to food. I ate a handful of potato chips. I had a roll with beef on it. I had some bread rounds with crab dip. And I felt sick because I wasn’t hungry, but I thought that I could fill that emotional emptiness inside with food. And it didn’t work. And I know it wouldn’t work—but I did it anyways.
Last night, I walked for my 20 minutes, and then my awesome loving boyfriend went on another walk with me for another 30 minutes. I could have probably walked all night to work out my emotions and to make myself feel better—but honestly, it was 30 degrees. It was dark. And I wanted to spend time with him for the first night in weeks.  And I did make myself a healthy dinner of stir fry veggies and beef for dinner.  It was real hunger this time—not emotional.
Today is a another challenge.  A company wide holiday party that is catered. The food choices will be a taco salad bar, chicken wings, and a giant sub, and of course, assorted desserts. I know that I can be stronger here, because there is less peer scrutiny, there are more people and distractions. And the menu really does allow a bit more customization. I know how to make a healthy salad. I will steer clear of chips and tortillas and sour cream. I will leave the desserts alone. Today, I will focus on veggies and protein. And I will get back on track.
My biggest fear is that I think I will gain this week.  Earlier this week, my pants felt awesome and loose. I could feel a difference. But I’m afraid my indiscretions of this week will work against me on Tuesday when I go to be weighed in. and it’s frustrating. I don’t want to be discouraged. So I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that I can at least maintain, if not lose this week. I plan on doing a lot of walking between now and then to see if it makes a difference.
Have a good weekend, everyone.