Saturday, October 17, 2015

Donny is a real...piece of work

So, Donny has been really persnickety lately. It doesn't help that Ive had alot of sinus issues with drainage. That's beside the point.

For the past six weeks or so, Donny has been to the point that I need to drink soda in order to break up the snot so that I can actually eat anything and get it through my band. I know, I know, don't lecture me about soda.

I've also been having night coughs again because the sinus drainage at night backs up and won't go down. It's not acidic, it's just hot watery snot.

Three days ago, I told the ELB that i might get a small unfill at the end of the month. Like .25 or even .5. Right now, I supposedly have 5.5 in a 14 cc band, but I really think that it's 5.5 in a 10cc band BC I think my surgeon got mixed up. Either way, I'm not too tight, and before the sinus issues and infection, I was doing awesome at this restriction.

Since my unfill comment, Donny has been AMAZING. She's got restriction, but not so much that I'm having PB. I can drink water again. I'm feeling satisfied, and the night coughs are lessening.

What's up with that? I didn't think that my band was capable of independent thought, but apparently she is.

I'll see how things go through the end if the month and see where things stand before I make any fill/unfill decisions.

I don't know why I have so much trouble with my band. I see so many other people who have had successful weightloss with their bands, and I haven't. I get frustrated that I'm only a few sizes down from where I started, and I'm still wearing a 26/28. I really thought that I would be a success story, but I guess that's not meant for me to be.

Anyways, I'm still here. I'm still plodding along. I'm exercising, and trying to eat healthy, and still wanting to have a baby but I wanted to be less heavy before that, but now my biological clock keeps reminding me that I'm 39, and time is running out. And I'm nowhere ready physically or financially for a baby.... Even though I want one. Sigh.

Sometimes I really feel like I missed out on the life I was supposed to have because of my weight. But then again, my weight had given me the life that I have. So I guess it's not all bad. I have a man that loves me and wants to be with me and has been with me for almost 10 years. I'm pretty accomplished in my chosen field, which I've worked hard to get to because I've had to fight the weight stigna, so I worked harder in school and in certifying so that I would be more marketable. I have some terrific friends that I never would have met if not for this lapband. I just wish that I had been able to do more with it, and to be a weight that I'm not so ashamed of.

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