Life happens

So, it's been a jolly good while since I've posted anything about me here. Sorry about that. I'm sure that you're dying to know what's going on in my little corner of the world.

So, I stopped looking for a job after four months of interviews (seriously, I had about 30 interviews in three months and I was bummed and burned out), and then I got a job. A job that I had interviewed for in early September called and offered in November. And since I didn't have anything else going on, I accepted.

So I had a job lined up to start the Monday after Thanksgiving. Then the ELB and I went to Iowa. Then we came home for a day and then went to Michigan for Thanksgiving and had a great visit with my bestie and her family. We consider then family.

I started my job, and then we went to Myrtle Beach for our annual beach vacation for Christmas. Came back and got back into the groove at work. And since then, it's been nonstop.

Then January came and the ELB was in AZ and then NY, and I've been to KC twice... we both have been busy. I've also been battling sciatica this past week, so I've been fun to be around.

The good news is, I finally have health insurance again! So now I'm trying to get an appt with a Band doctor here in STL. I'm waiting for the office girl to call me back since my first fill has to be under flouroscopy. I started the process in the fall and had a scope to check for erosion, and I was cleared.

I'm nervous to get a fill because I'm afraid that it won't work. It's been so long since I've had any restriction that I don't think I remember the rules, and I've regained like ALL the weight I lost. I haven't weighed myself recently but it's bad.

But I want to get back on track. I want to lose this weight again, and get healthy and stop feeling so shitty. My self esteem is in the crapper, I feel like a failure, it makes me sad and angry.

So, I'm back to square one. Once my sciatica clears up, I'm going to start walking again. I have already stowed a pair of shoes in my office. I just need motivation.

I need help. I need willpower. I need strength. But most importantly I need to believe in myself again.