This week will be interesting with Donny. It's cold and rainy, aunt flow is on the horizon, and I'm sick. All of them on their own is enough to tighten Donny up, but now it's the LapBand Trifecta.
I can already feel the tightening start. My little pouch is full of sinus drainage. I'm not hungry AT ALL, even though the 1/2 cup of maple macadamia ice cream tasted pretty nice.
I bought stuff to make my noodle free veggie lasagna this weekend, and never even tried. I layed out my spaghetti squash to thaw, but that was as far as I got. Might just have that with some marinara tonight.
I have vegetable beef soup to eat that I made last week, and i've barely touched it. My freezer is full of soups and stews that were made but not eaten. Seriously, it's packed.
I have a problem that alot of WLS peeps tend to have... The inability to cook in portion appropriate sizes. I don't know how to make just a little bit of something, I only know how to make big mamma-jamma amounts. Don't get me wrong, I'm alot better than I used to be with this, but it's still a constant struggle, hence the massive amounts of food in the freezer.
I grew up in the country on a farm, where portions were big and seconds were encouraged. Healthy appetite = healthy kids. Showing love was done with food. In reality, it just encouraged a lifetime of overeating... And it's something that's been a constant struggle for me, even with my Band.
Unfortunately, the Band doesn't shut up the voices in my head. The voices that say, "that's not enough to leave for another meal, you should just finish it now", or " you Deserve that ________, because you worked hard today ", or my favorite, " I'm stressed so its OK to have _____ to make me feel better ". Aren't we all a little guilty of those?
That is my battle, and my burden to bear. It's also the reason that I probably haven't been as successful with my Band, and I'll be hitting my two year bandiversary in March.
But I can still do this. I can still make it work. I've accomplished so much health wise that if I never lose another pound, I will still be happy with this choice.
I'm not giving up, and I'm not giving in. I'm recommitting to myself in 2015. I'm going to keep doing what I do right: exercise. And doing better at the things I need to improve: portion control, water, and tracking my food and protein intake.
And even though it's a real pain in the ass to write every blog post on my phone, I'm going to recommit to you. And I'm going to do better about holding myself accountable. I need to do that for me.
So even though it's a few weeks late, I'm embracing 2015 as my year of change. You are welcome to join me... The more the merrier!