Saturday, July 4, 2015

Feeling like a Lap-Band failure

I'm two years post op as of this past March, and I'm a failure.

As of today, I'm only down around 75 lbs from my starting high weight. I've had problems with my band. I was too tight for a year, and didn't know it. I've had to have two unfills in the past six months, including a full unfill after the stomach flu. I've gained so much weight back.  I was down 100 lbs at one point.

Now, I'm discouraged. I'm disappointed in myself. I know that every journey is different, and that I can't compare myself to others, but at two years out, I thought I'd be in distance of my goal... And I'm nowhere close.

I'm working to get back on track. I had my first refill the other week, and just now I'm starting to feel the slightest bit of resistance. I might call and schedule a second fill after my period. It just sucks because each fill costs me $325, and I have to meet the first $1500 out of pocket for my new insurance.

I'm also trying to be vegetarian for a while. It's been three weeks since I've eaten anything meat, but I still do dairy and cheese. However, don't think that I'm eating nothing but bread, cheese, and pasta...because I'm not. I know better than to carb load.

I'm frustrated because my surgeons office isn't really LapBand supportive. They are all about RNY and sleeve. When I got my band, I had the choice of RNY and Band because insurance did not cover sleeve procedures. And I think that RNY is scary and at least the band can be reversed. At least my new insurance will cover revision, if I ever get to that point.

I just want my band to work for me. I never set out on this journey to be skinny, only healthy. And in that respect, it's working.

My blood pressure is awesome, my Type II diabetes has disappeared, I'm not tired all the time, I don't have headaches all the time, and I can tie my own shoes. I can Zumba for an entire hour without a break, and that's AFTER doing a 30 minute warm up on the elliptical. I can do yoga. I am healthier than I was...I just wish the weight would come off.

I know that I don't eat perfect. But as hard as I work, I should see some progress, right?

1 comment:

  1. You're so much healthier! Seriously, that is NOT a failure at all!