Five years

Yesterday was five years.

I don't know when, or if, I'll stop counting the years. Maybe it's something I'll do the rest of my life. I don't know. I know that my mom always knew the loss of her mother, and I guess that's how it will be for me.

I'll be honest, I don't mourn everyday. I don't cry. But sometimes when I least expect it, something will hit me, and grief will roll over, kind of like a wave crashing on the beach. Sometimes it's gentle, and barely noticeable, and others it hits me like a tsunami. But it does get easier... The waves grow further and further apart.

I'll be 40 this year. My mom would have been 66.  My mom died when I was 35. Her mom died when she was 25.

I know that a lot of women lose their mothers earlier than me. And some women are blessed enough to have their mothers they're entire lives.

I'm so thankful to have had a mother that loved me. I hope that I'm someone that she would be proud of. I know that she didn't always agree with my decisions, but she never stopped loving me.