Back to the basics redux

Tomorrow, I restart my weight loss journey.

I have a notebook. I have protein powder. I have plain Silk, and I have the beginning of willpower.

I have the desire to lose weight. I have the desire to be healthy.

In a few weeks, I have a meeting with the nutritionist, and I expect that when I meet them, that I will be given a 1200 calorie/day diet plan. So I might as well start working on this now.

I am going to start writing down what I eat again. I'm going to work on cutting calories.  And I think I'm going to hold off on getting a fill for a little bit.

Now I just need to start sneaking in some exercise, and I'm sure that I'll start seeing the scale go down again.

Tomorrow starts the journey... Again!

Roadblocks

I went to see my new Lapband doctor yesterday for follow up and a fill.

No fill. He couldn't find my port, so now I need to have my next fill under flouroscopy. And pretty much every fill under flouroscopy. So I'm waiting for that to be scheduled, but I'm debating the need for a fill. I'm at 4.5 in a 10 band. I am feeling some restriction, and I'm almost afraid to mess with things to much. My band is temperamental and sometimes something as small as .25 will cause me to go from  too open to closed.

I have an appt with the nutritionist on June 12. Maybe getting a better eating path will be as effective as a fill right now.

Essentially, he feels that if I can stick with a reduced calorie diet and exercise that I can lose weight. Well, ya, I know that. I'm just trying to get motivated to start exercising. Apparently, there is no such thing as spring in Missouri. It went from winter to 90's. So of course I don't want to do stuff outside.

So I'm looking for my motivation. I think I left that in Baltimore last year... Probably in the storage unit. Maybe I'll find out this summer.

I watch the My 600lb life to try and help motivate me. I don't think it helps. And I think my Fitbit is getting ready to die and I'm trying to decide is it's worth investing in a new Charge 2 as a replacement. Any guidance on the Fitbit is appreciated!

But I did lose 4lbs. I guess that's a start!

Trying to turn a page

So, the past 12 months I haven't done a thing. I haven't exercised with regularity, I haven't tracked food intake, counted calories, or restricted myself.

I'm paying the price. I had to buy fat pants for work. I had to buy shirts up a size larger than I usually wear. My back hurts all the time. I'm tired. I feel lazy.

I have regained everything I lost in 2012-2014.

And now I need motivation. I need to get my eating under control. I need to cut back on carbs. I need to start moving again.

So I've started by getting my first fill in about a year five weeks ago. Before the move last year, I went and got an unfill, which dropped my band down to the 3cc starter level. Now I'm at 4.5 cc, and it's helped slightly. I get soft stops, but I still drink when I'm eating. That's probably the hardest habit to break.

I have a second fill tomorrow.

My PCP wants me to meet with a therapist. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I know that I need to make a change. I'm just lazy. I lack willpower and motivation. It's a catch 22. I know that I'll feel better once I start exercising again... But I know that results take time, and I want instant gratification.

I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I just need me to be on board.

So how do you find the missing piece? How do I reclaim that part of me that was so eager and enthusiastic five years ago?

Is it worth seeing a professional? Can I do it on my own? If you've seen a professional therapist for weight issues, how did it go? Did it help?