Life goes on

About 10x a day since my unfill, I find myself arguing (with me) about what I should and should not eat, as opposed to what I can and cannot eat.

Getting fluid taken out is both liberating and SCARY. In the back of my mind is the constant chatter of "I can eat this, and this, and this", while the other half of my brain is going, " just because you can, doesn't mean you SHOULD".

So I try to make concessions to eat some of the things I want, while still being smart. For example, I've really wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So I bought peanut butter, and I bought jelly. But instead of a loaf of bread, I got sandwich thins instead. I do NOT want to climb onto the carb-wagon, and then not be able to get back off.

This weekend, I feel like I ate and ate and ate, but when I look at what I actually consumed, it doesn't seem that bad. I think that the fact I'm eating and it's actually STAYING down is what I need to adjust to. It's been so long since I've been able to enjoy a meal without a PB bottle in my hand that I've forgotten how the LapBand is supposed to act.

Things that I am making my goal this week:
1. Chew, chew, chew. I really need to chew more thoroughly before swallowing. When I don't chew enough, I can feel things passing through Donny, and I know that I'm causing potential swelling issues.
2. Portion control. I'm going to work on controlling my portion sizes, so that I'm eating the right size portion for my Band.
3. Drinking with meals. The past few days, I've rediscovered eating and drinking together. I need to get that back under control, but honestly I think that I've been so dehydrated for so long that my body wants water ALL the time. But that's a goal to fix this week.

So, happy Monday WLS peeps. Here's to a new start to a new week!

Game changer

I had no idea that I was to tight for pretty much the past year.

For the past two days, I have been able to eat without ANY PB or slime episodes. And I still have restriction. The main difference is, I stop eating when I know I should--not because I'm physically unable to continue.

I portioned my food when it arrived, and only ate what I planned. Dinner last night at Bar Louie was 2 shared spinach dips with chips (maybe 4 chips from each dish), half of the Chicago Stockyard burger (no bun), and half of the tater tots (about 8). Oh, and a half priced S'mores martini.

And it was good. And I was able to focus on the conversation with my friends instead of making repeated trips to the bathroom. I didn't have any "oh shit" moments when I took a bite, wondering whether it would go down. Or get stuck.

I'm sleeping better. Eating better. Drinking more water.

I didn't get on the scale yesterday, mainly because I had just weighed on Wednesday at the surgeons. But next Friday, I'm going to weigh, and I'm going to work hard to see that number go down. I'm 27.4 pounds from the 2's.

My new goal is to try to lose that 27.4 by January 5 when the friendly work contest ends.

I'm going to work hard to see the unfill as a game changer. A motivator. And potentially a key to unlocking my stalled progress.

Happy Saturday!

On the other hand...

I scored THIS pair of boots for only $25 tonight! I don't care what kind of victory that would be considered, BC either way... I WON!

I have not been forsaken

After a 1cc unfill last night, I've been feeling pretty invincible in the eating department. I ate two 1/2 c servings of my protein chicken salad, and a bowl of homemade beef vegetable lentil soup I made last week. And some cookies.

OK, in retrospect, that's really not horrible. Sure, I coukd have done without the cookies, but it's alot better than what my brain was telling me to eat--things like breakfast from Hardee's or Chinese food lunch.

After Zumba, I stopped and got a newly discovered secret pleasure-the Frito burrito from Taco Bell. And it was at this point that Donny woke up and said "knock it the f#ck off, Luka".  Three bites, and it hurt.

So I went shopping and bought some super cute boots and a sweater. Then tried to resume burito eating, and three more bites and I gave up. So I stopped for Sweet Frog.

Tomorrow is the rescheduled martini bar girls night, and I'm still on antibiotics. No booze for me, but I'm excited to see what it feels like to go out for a meal and not start to slime or PB after 1 or 2 bites, and then start the panicked looking for the bathroom and praying that I don't get it all over my clothes, and trying to figure out if my friends will ever wonder what's wrong with me.

All i know is that since my unfill last night, I've felt pretty good, except for the fear that I'll regain a ton of weight.

The ELB woke me up this morning, probably around 2am to let me know that this was the first time in almost a year that I slept without coughing. I take it that was a good sign.

So to keep myself on track, two girls at work and I are doing a two month weightloss challenge with each other. We start November 3, and final weigh-in is January 5. It should be a fun way to keep each other motivated. No big investment other than bragging rights, and the two smallest losers buy the biggest loser lunch! Anyone know where I can buy an inexpensive tiny trophy?

Happy Thursday night!

Does unfill = failure ?

So tonight, I got my first adjustment in almost a year.

My surgeon took out 1 cc, and dropped my restriction from 6.5 to 5.5. I had to negotiate to have him stop at just one. He wanted to do 1.5, but I was afraid that I would lose all progress. I weighed in at 327.4 tonight. That's just over 100 lbs from my very first appt in august 2012.

So, my goal is to work on basics. After two days of liquids, I can transition back to the way I'm supposed to be eating. Solid protein. I'm excited to be able to hopefully eat the way that I'm supposed to eat, and not dread every meal ending with pb and slime. I'm excited to be able to hopefully drink water without issues. I want this to work, and I don't want to feel like a failure.

I'm supposed to weigh every week, and follow up in 4-6 weeks. But my surgeon is optimistic that is I've been too tight that I might actually lose weight now.

Fingers crossed this helps change things for the better.

NSV

Today was a good day, until I backed into another car and jacked up my bumper. I'm not allowed to have nice things... Ever.

I was crazy busy at work today and ran around so much that I skipped the gym to go shopping. Don't think that it was a bad thing. I went to Arundel Mills, which one circuit around the mall is a mile, not counting all the additional walking in the actual stores. I think I probably got at least two miles tonight.

My goal was to find either a cute short boot to wear with jeans, or a nice winter coat. I tried on boots, but nothing said "buy me". One pair was tempting.. Black quarter calf lace up with a small heel, but the size wasnt quite right.  I will know when I find the right pair.

I tried on jackets, too. Hey coat makers, can you please please please make plus size coats in tall? I would much appreciate something that can cover my wrists and my ass.

I actually lucked up and found a gorgeous charcoal gray wool pea coat from Anne Klein for $70 at Burlington. I tried it on... And it was surprisingly long enough and didn't make me look like the side of a barn. And I walked away. Got to the car in the parking lot, and turned around and went back to get it. Better to buy and return,  than regret when it's gone tomorrow.

The ELB approved. So I guess it's mine. I really needed a professional and warm winter jacket. And I think this one will keep me happy for this winter at least. Besides, I get cold now. My little Columbia fleece jacket is great, but it's not have enough for everyday wear. And my Columbia winter jacket is great, but it's a men's size 4x, and I bought it over 10 years ago. So I can totally justify this new jacket. ;) I felt kind of cute in it.

I can't take it anymore

It's been about a month since I've been able to sleep without constantly coughing, vomiting, etc.

I emailed my allergist, explained the situation, and she called me in antibiotics and prednisone. She thinks that a viral infection has manifested as a bacterial infection... So now I'm going to go at it with the big guns... Literally, the antibiotics are HUGE... But feeling better should follow behind.

Seriously, I'm going to have to either crush that mother, or break it up into 3-4 pieces. And BTW, girls night is postponed because of me. Sigh.

Happy Friday.

NSV today

About 9 years ago, I went to Michigan to visit my best friend for thanksgiving... And we went shopping. I bought a pair of black work pants and a sweater. I have never worn either of them until today.

This morning. I pulled out this sweater... With the tag still attached (!) that I've been carrying around with me on at least two moves. And it fit nicely enough that I could wear it to work today.

And I got three compliments on it.

Not quite there with the pants... But soon.

So I guess this kind of a #tbt post.

Donny giveth, and Donny taketh away

So for one good day, I was a piggy. I was able to EAT for the first time in almost two weeks... And I may have went a little crazy.... But it is either feast or famine with my LapBand lately. So when I CAN eat, I try to stock pile as many calories as I can, knowing that the next day, I might be back to starving.

Yesterday, I felt Donny closing the gates... And this morning... BAM! The door was closed.

So back to protein shakes and mashed potatoes until this weather passes again. At least I can bulk up potatoes by making them with broth and soymilk, and adding cheese and Greek yogurt and sometimes shredded protein to give it more nutrition.

Go next Wednesday for my evaluation and potential unfill. I can survive until then.

I've already planned girls night dinner from the online menu for Friday... I'm ordering the hummus/tappenade plate. And booze. Balanced, right?

Happy hump day.

A breakthrough...

Today, I had a breakthrough. I was able to eat... And not a single issue. I had a bagel with homemade protein chicken salad, cheddar cheese, a turkey and swiss grilled sandwich, two cream cheese pastries, and some oatmeal cookies. I probably gained 5lbs, but I feel so good.

I'm still going to request a small unfill next week. I'm hoping that less restriction might help me lose weight, since I should be able to drink more water and eat more solid protein. I've been at the same level since November of last year... The ELB says that he thinks I've been too tight for a while... And I'm starting to agree. I'll try it for a few months, and if I don't see a positive result, I'll get it put back. I hope that I'm doing the right thing.

Two days of zumba and a day of weight training on the schedule this week... Then Friday night, hitting a martini bar with my girls!

Happy Monday.

Houston, i might have a problem!!

So last week, aunt flow came to visit and brought along her best friend, SUPER RESTRICTION. They are a formidable team. One drains you physically, as your blood is drained from your body... And the other makes it impossible to replenish.

Following aunt flow, a barometric weather event rolled into town. This caused even more restriction.

As of today, I would say that it's been about 10 days since the last time I ate solid food and it actually went through the band without me regurgitating it all back out.

I talked to my surgeons office today, and they are concerned... But they have not put my PA on file with the insurance company yet... So I can't go in without a $300 bill.

So right now, I placed myself on a liquid/mushy diet until Monday. Fingers crossed that this is just swelling and it will receed. If by Monday, I am still unable to eat solid, I will go to my surgeon for an unfill.

I was worried that I might have a slipped band, but was told by the nurse that if it was slipped I would know because I would have pain and reflux. And I have food reflux but not acid so that's why I'm not going yet.

Keep your fingers crossed that this will resolve itself and I don't have an issue.

Friday weighin

I weighed in Friday at 329.8. A 3-lb loss from last Friday. Of course, Aunt Flow has Donny so tight it should be criminal... And I'm sure that's the reason for the loss. But, it's a new lowest weight. I kind of hope I can maintain it when I can eat again.

Because I am HUNGRY! It's been 6 days since my last solid food. Since pretty much any food. Sigh.