Okay, I love Jimmy Fallon. And one thing that I love and laugh at is Thank You notes on Friday. Let's be honest, it's really the ONLY night I stay up to watch Fallon--because I have a job that makes me get up early.
So, this week, I am doing Friday Shout-Outs! It's kind of like Thank You notes--without the whole copyright infringement thing. And if I figure out how to use this whole Twitter thing--I might do them there, too!
1. Shout-out to my work friend who not only treated me to a Nachos Supreme for lunch yesterday, but also bought me 4 chocolate dipped macaroon cookies from Wegmans as a Friday morning surprise--because she knows that I've been under uber stress lately.
2. Shout-out to Hollee who not only scored a new awesome employment opportunity this week--but also reached her lowest adult weight! You Go girl!
3. Shout-out to CFlick who always leaves me nice comments on my posts, and is following me on Twitter!
4. Shout-out to my NordicTrac Pathfinder elliptical, who even though you yell at me to go "FASTER", you can't really MAKE me go faster. So there. And thanks for waiting around and collecting dust for the past 5 years while I figured out that in order to get an ROI, I need to actually invest some time in using you!
5. Shout-out to The Bloggess who's blog updates make me laugh my ass off, and who makes me wish I was as acerbic/funny/weird as she is!
6. Shout-out to Jimmy Fallon for being awesomely funny (I don't CARE what the critics say--Taxi was one of the funniest movies EVER). Even though I can't stay up to watch the Tonight Show every night, I DO watch the segments on YouTube on my phone while I'm on the elliptical.
7. Shout-out to the Polar Vortex, for making me realize just HOW much colder you feel when you lose 80lbs--and for showing me that now I can actually wear thermals under my jeans without fear of splitting them open!
8. Shout-out to Unjury for making awesome protien powder that, when mixed with coffee, makes a wicked good cafe mocha!
9. Shout-out to thick knit boot socks--whom I have worn more this year than ever before. You keep my feet warm, and you look cute with jeans and Birkenstocks. Sometimes, it makes me feel like I just stepped out of the pages of an LLBean catalogue--circa 1994!
10. Shout-out to the ELB, who has been amazing this week at being my biggest cheerleader as I delve back into the world of interviewing. I love you!
So, welcome to my innaugral Friday Shout-Outs! (patent pending). Feel free to join in and do your own--or if someone has already come up with this idea and I snarfed it--well, I'm sorry, and don't forget-imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Breaking up is hard to do
Dear Corn,
We've been friends for a really really long time. You have always been a part of my life.
But lately, we've grown apart. You don't make me feel as good as you used to. In fact, without even realizing it, you hurt me sometimes. It's not you, corn...it's me. I take responsibility for this.
I know it's going to be difficult, especially since I like to add you to so many delicious recipes, but I think it's time that we move on....apart. Don't cry for me, Corn. You will find others who will love you as much as me...those who can still love you. But I will never be able to replace you.
I will always love you, but I can't be with you anymore. I hope you understand, dear sweet Corn.
Au revoire, Corn. Au revoire.
Love, Luka
We've been friends for a really really long time. You have always been a part of my life.
But lately, we've grown apart. You don't make me feel as good as you used to. In fact, without even realizing it, you hurt me sometimes. It's not you, corn...it's me. I take responsibility for this.
I know it's going to be difficult, especially since I like to add you to so many delicious recipes, but I think it's time that we move on....apart. Don't cry for me, Corn. You will find others who will love you as much as me...those who can still love you. But I will never be able to replace you.
I will always love you, but I can't be with you anymore. I hope you understand, dear sweet Corn.
Au revoire, Corn. Au revoire.
Love, Luka
I will survive....work functions that include food
Yesterday, there was a huge company wide 'retreat', held offsite at a fancy schmancy country club.
My biggest fear with these events is the need to eat to appear 'normal' in situations where I am with alot of people who know me--but none of them know about Donny.
The worst thing about these events is that everything is served buffet style--and to a food addicted person who can't eat much because of a surgically implanted device--this is a NIGHTMARE! My brain tells me "FREE FOOD" and to take as much as I can....while I know that it's going to be a disaster.
But I survived by employing some tricks I've learned over the past few months...Basically, make your plate look 'messy' so that it appears you've eaten more than you actually have. Noone seemed to have noticed that I ate hardly anything, and if they said something, I just told them that I didn't care for the ___________.
Of course, my brain sees things like Coke, and candy and cookies and junk and wants me to go balls to the wall. I felt pretty crappy yesterday afternoon--probably sugar crash because I sipped Coke Classic all day (I had 24 oz of Coke! I usually only have about 1/2 c at any given time when I do allow myself a treat). I had it over ice and was allowing it to deflate before drinking--but I think it gave me a sugar headache.
And today, I'm all bitchy and anxious and on edge and want to cry--which are CLASSIC signs of sugar/caffiene withdrawal for me.
I am back on track this morning, and have plans to stay there until Saturday when the ELB and I finally get our *special* dinner at our favorite burger place in DC. Mainly, because I am a seriously broke ass bitch right now. I'm allotting money for our meal that day, and then no more eating out for the next two weeks--everything else we will have to eat at home. I forgot my lunch today, and I'm trying to tell myself that I want to go get nachos from Taco Bell--but I'm trying to stay on track and adhere to the no eating out rule--by pulling out my 'emergency' soup from my desk drawer. But Lemon Orzo soup (bought before Donny) isn't sounding that great.
Sigh. It's seriously a CRAPTACULAR day!
Hope your day is better than mine!
My biggest fear with these events is the need to eat to appear 'normal' in situations where I am with alot of people who know me--but none of them know about Donny.
The worst thing about these events is that everything is served buffet style--and to a food addicted person who can't eat much because of a surgically implanted device--this is a NIGHTMARE! My brain tells me "FREE FOOD" and to take as much as I can....while I know that it's going to be a disaster.
But I survived by employing some tricks I've learned over the past few months...Basically, make your plate look 'messy' so that it appears you've eaten more than you actually have. Noone seemed to have noticed that I ate hardly anything, and if they said something, I just told them that I didn't care for the ___________.
Of course, my brain sees things like Coke, and candy and cookies and junk and wants me to go balls to the wall. I felt pretty crappy yesterday afternoon--probably sugar crash because I sipped Coke Classic all day (I had 24 oz of Coke! I usually only have about 1/2 c at any given time when I do allow myself a treat). I had it over ice and was allowing it to deflate before drinking--but I think it gave me a sugar headache.
And today, I'm all bitchy and anxious and on edge and want to cry--which are CLASSIC signs of sugar/caffiene withdrawal for me.
I am back on track this morning, and have plans to stay there until Saturday when the ELB and I finally get our *special* dinner at our favorite burger place in DC. Mainly, because I am a seriously broke ass bitch right now. I'm allotting money for our meal that day, and then no more eating out for the next two weeks--everything else we will have to eat at home. I forgot my lunch today, and I'm trying to tell myself that I want to go get nachos from Taco Bell--but I'm trying to stay on track and adhere to the no eating out rule--by pulling out my 'emergency' soup from my desk drawer. But Lemon Orzo soup (bought before Donny) isn't sounding that great.
Sigh. It's seriously a CRAPTACULAR day!
Hope your day is better than mine!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Learning Curve
One thing that I'm learning with Donny having proper restriction is that the desire to eat and the ability to eat are two ENTIRELY different things.
Sometimes, I really really really want to eat something. I get in my head that I really need __________, and in my former life, I would go out and obtain said item, and consume it...sometimes in vast quantities. If I was craving a Whopper, why stop at just one, when TWO was better! Want a donut? Might as well get a half dozen--it's cheaper! Why stop at a 6-inch sub when a footlong was cheaper--and I could get a combo with chips and a drink, and yes, please add on 3 cookies! Hell, There was a time in my life when I could cook and eat half pound of pasta, a pound of turkey burger, and entire jar of Ragu--for ONE meal!
I have a problem. I can't shut off my brain when it comes to food. I don't know if this is what is classified as an addiction, but that's what I was. That's what I am.
I wake up and I want to eat breakfast. I have to remind myself over and over and over again while I'm drinking my one cup of coffee with protien powder and soy milk, that breakfast is NOT an option for me right now. That if I try to eat breakfast, then I won't be able to eat lunch or dinner--because I will surely get stuck, PB, and then have to stick with liquids and mushies the rest of the day.
Sometimes, for dinner, although I know I'm eating healthier, my mind keeps the idea that if it's healthy food, I should be able to consume vast quantities of it in one sitting. Instead of one piece of Talapia, I'll make two. Instead of one cup of chili, I'll try to eat two. When I go to a restaurant, I'll study the menu and critique the merits of one meal over another--trying to figure out which one will give me a bigger bang for my buck--the largest portion that will cause me to have less food envy with my fellow diner(s).
This is a battle that I fight against EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Having Donny has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. She reminds me that there is no way in HELL that I can eat one whole whopper, much less two--so why even get one? She tells me that if I really truly want a donut, I can have one--but I'm taking the chance of having a PB episode because of it. She has trained me that pasta is the devil and something that I would love to eat--but which is no longer an option. It doesn't stop my brain from going, "hey, lets stop and get a donut. C'mon....you KNOW you want a donut (insert other unhealthy food here)". Donny just reminds me of what I can and can't handle.
I know myself well enough to know that if I really really REALLY want something, I'm going to go out and get it....and I will try to eat it until I give up and either give it to the ELB, or put it away for later.
Is the solution perfect? No, but then again, it's better than the alternative of not having made this choice to have surgery. 81 lbs ago, I was having trouble with tying my shoes. My blood sugar was out of control. My blood pressure was high. Nothing fit. I was always hot and sweaty. And yet I was still eating...but I was eating in secret. At home with the ELB, I would eat good healthy foods..but during the work day, I would go out to lunch, eat in my car so that noone could see what I was eating, making trips through the drive thru with an order written out on a post it note so that it looked like I was picking up for more people than just me.
I have a problem---and yet, I am the solution. Me. I have to solve my OWN problems. And I am working on it. It's a work in progress--but every day it gets easier.
Every day, I realize that if I don't finish something right this minute, it's okay--it will still be there later, if I want it. I realize that if the ELB and I get a dozen of donuts, that if I eat one right now, that I can go back later and have another one if I want it--it's still going to be there. It's okay if I have leftovers that last for more than a day. I find myself eating things three or four days later--when before, I could have eaten the whole meal in one sitting. Now I actually GET three or four meals out of something that was actually supossed to be thee or four meals.
I will never regret this decision. Ever.
Sometimes, I really really really want to eat something. I get in my head that I really need __________, and in my former life, I would go out and obtain said item, and consume it...sometimes in vast quantities. If I was craving a Whopper, why stop at just one, when TWO was better! Want a donut? Might as well get a half dozen--it's cheaper! Why stop at a 6-inch sub when a footlong was cheaper--and I could get a combo with chips and a drink, and yes, please add on 3 cookies! Hell, There was a time in my life when I could cook and eat half pound of pasta, a pound of turkey burger, and entire jar of Ragu--for ONE meal!
I have a problem. I can't shut off my brain when it comes to food. I don't know if this is what is classified as an addiction, but that's what I was. That's what I am.
I wake up and I want to eat breakfast. I have to remind myself over and over and over again while I'm drinking my one cup of coffee with protien powder and soy milk, that breakfast is NOT an option for me right now. That if I try to eat breakfast, then I won't be able to eat lunch or dinner--because I will surely get stuck, PB, and then have to stick with liquids and mushies the rest of the day.
Sometimes, for dinner, although I know I'm eating healthier, my mind keeps the idea that if it's healthy food, I should be able to consume vast quantities of it in one sitting. Instead of one piece of Talapia, I'll make two. Instead of one cup of chili, I'll try to eat two. When I go to a restaurant, I'll study the menu and critique the merits of one meal over another--trying to figure out which one will give me a bigger bang for my buck--the largest portion that will cause me to have less food envy with my fellow diner(s).
This is a battle that I fight against EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Having Donny has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. She reminds me that there is no way in HELL that I can eat one whole whopper, much less two--so why even get one? She tells me that if I really truly want a donut, I can have one--but I'm taking the chance of having a PB episode because of it. She has trained me that pasta is the devil and something that I would love to eat--but which is no longer an option. It doesn't stop my brain from going, "hey, lets stop and get a donut. C'mon....you KNOW you want a donut (insert other unhealthy food here)". Donny just reminds me of what I can and can't handle.
I know myself well enough to know that if I really really REALLY want something, I'm going to go out and get it....and I will try to eat it until I give up and either give it to the ELB, or put it away for later.
Is the solution perfect? No, but then again, it's better than the alternative of not having made this choice to have surgery. 81 lbs ago, I was having trouble with tying my shoes. My blood sugar was out of control. My blood pressure was high. Nothing fit. I was always hot and sweaty. And yet I was still eating...but I was eating in secret. At home with the ELB, I would eat good healthy foods..but during the work day, I would go out to lunch, eat in my car so that noone could see what I was eating, making trips through the drive thru with an order written out on a post it note so that it looked like I was picking up for more people than just me.
I have a problem---and yet, I am the solution. Me. I have to solve my OWN problems. And I am working on it. It's a work in progress--but every day it gets easier.
Every day, I realize that if I don't finish something right this minute, it's okay--it will still be there later, if I want it. I realize that if the ELB and I get a dozen of donuts, that if I eat one right now, that I can go back later and have another one if I want it--it's still going to be there. It's okay if I have leftovers that last for more than a day. I find myself eating things three or four days later--when before, I could have eaten the whole meal in one sitting. Now I actually GET three or four meals out of something that was actually supossed to be thee or four meals.
I will never regret this decision. Ever.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Monday, Monday--gotta get down on Monday!
First of all, congratulations to Hollee for getting some AWESOME news this morning! I wish her the very very best of luck!
My weekend was rather unproductive. I took prescription pain meds Friday night/Saturday for my aching teeth. Combined with my Aunt Flow visit, and a headache that would NOT quit, I literally did not get off the couch and out of pajamas all day. Except when I had a manic episode and decided to drag out some bins of old work clothes to look for potential interview outfits. I fit into some things that I haven’t been able to fit into for years—two button down dress blouses, two skirts (knee length), a pair of khaki pants (the style is kind of dated but might be still wearable), and a cotton knit casual sweater for jean days. Nothing like shopping in my OWN closet. I don’t know how keen I am on the skirts—they would require tights and I really don’t like my legs and there’s still that whole chaffing issue—but still, I fit into them.
Sunday, the ELB and I took a 3 mile walk (thank you for the beautiful blue skies and sunshine!), and then stopped for milkshakes at the PotBelly. I know, it kind of defeats the purpose, but they were delicious! Of course, afterwards, I was SO stiff and sore. W.T.F. Seriously, I don’t get this sore after doing the elliptical! But it was still a good day.
I hope that everyone had a great weekend, and that you are off to an great start to your week!
Friday, February 21, 2014
Friday
It's overcast. It's rainy. It's blah. There's snow mist--you know, when you have tons of snow and it gets warm and then the snow melts but also evaporates and makes it look super foggy? Snow Mist.
A co-worker and I decided to go to Chili's for lunch. We had planned to do dessert and chips/salsa (I know, SO healthy). When we got there, she decided that nachos sounded good--and they did--but what Chili's considers nachos and what the rest of the world consider nachos are two entirely different things.
I consider an order of nachos to be a plate piled with chips, and then covered with things like cheese, beans, beef, jalapenos, sour cream, etc. Chilis considers a large order of nachos to be three taco size tortillas topped like little pizzas and cut into 4ths. So twelve little tortilla corners. For a LARGE order that costs almost $8! W.T.F.
To top it off, she didn't want to split dessert--she wanted her own--so we each ended up with a dessert (totally not the plan!). I had the molten peanut butter cake. It was okay, but not awesome. It was hard and chewy in places where it was overcooked. The peanutbutter didn't look very peanutbuttery.
The grand total for this little excursion? $27 for one appetizer, two sodas, and two desserts. I about to hit the floor! And the service SUCKED. I felt bad, but we only left a $3 tip on a $27 bill. Our waitress was non-existent. We will not be back for a while.
My teeth still hurt, even with the vicodin script my dentist called in. I think Aunt Flow is eating all the pain meds before they make it back up to my head. Bitch. So I'm feeling no pain in the ovary area--but my gums are throbbing.
Happy Friday.
A co-worker and I decided to go to Chili's for lunch. We had planned to do dessert and chips/salsa (I know, SO healthy). When we got there, she decided that nachos sounded good--and they did--but what Chili's considers nachos and what the rest of the world consider nachos are two entirely different things.
I consider an order of nachos to be a plate piled with chips, and then covered with things like cheese, beans, beef, jalapenos, sour cream, etc. Chilis considers a large order of nachos to be three taco size tortillas topped like little pizzas and cut into 4ths. So twelve little tortilla corners. For a LARGE order that costs almost $8! W.T.F.
To top it off, she didn't want to split dessert--she wanted her own--so we each ended up with a dessert (totally not the plan!). I had the molten peanut butter cake. It was okay, but not awesome. It was hard and chewy in places where it was overcooked. The peanutbutter didn't look very peanutbuttery.
The grand total for this little excursion? $27 for one appetizer, two sodas, and two desserts. I about to hit the floor! And the service SUCKED. I felt bad, but we only left a $3 tip on a $27 bill. Our waitress was non-existent. We will not be back for a while.
My teeth still hurt, even with the vicodin script my dentist called in. I think Aunt Flow is eating all the pain meds before they make it back up to my head. Bitch. So I'm feeling no pain in the ovary area--but my gums are throbbing.
Happy Friday.
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