The lunch monster

Forgive me Lap Band, for I have sinned. (Please don't be offended if you are Catholic)

It has been..well, this is my first real confession--which I am sure will be followed by many more to come. Oh yeah, this is just the beginning!

I have sinned against you, Lap Band. I am weak in the face of temptation.  I have partaken of chips and salsa at Chili's three times in less than one week.  I had you on Wednesday, Friday, and again today. And even though I feel guilt, you felt OH SO GOOD at the time, that I threw caution to the wind and partook of you fully.   I'm not even going to quantify what happened with the Hershey Kisses.

I am weak, Lap Band. I know that I am. But I humble myself before you now, asking you to put me on the right path, to say NO to the evils of temptation that are found in the form of crispy warm salty tortilla chips served with salsa. And chocolate. And warm crusty baguettes with real butter. and..well, this list could go on for a while...

Help me, Lap Band, to rise above the humble temptations of lunch, and to make you work for me as you have for millions of others.  I choose you, Lap Band, to guide me on this journey to health. I just need to stop being weak and grow a set of ...well, you know whats....and stop going out to lunch with coworkers so much--but it's the weather. Stupid rain! Yeah--let's go with that..because when it rains, I can't walk at lunch and get easily suckered into going out.

Please remind me that only I can control what goes into my mouth, and that it is not your job to stop me from eating bad food--only from eating too MUCH of that bad food--or even just influencing me to make healthier choices. Unfortunately, I get confused because the 'bad' food tastes so 'good', it's only understandable that it would cause me trouble.

Please forgive me, Lap Band, and allow us to move on from this indiscretion. I need you to guide me down the path to weight loss and good health. I am in this with you, Lap Band--if you are in it with me.  Well, technically, you have no choice because you are inside me and have to go with me no matter what..but you know what I'm sayin'.

In the name of the surgeon, the dietician, and the support group meeting...Amen.

Good morning...restriction

Dear Cream of Wheat,

I know it's 9am, and we have a standing date at this time, every Monday through Friday. You are my mid-morning snack, and I love that you are always there for me. 

Ever since I started my pre-op diet, you have been my friend. We have something special, Cream of Wheat. I forgot how much I loved you, until you came back into my life.  My mom loved you, too, and she ate you every single morning.  At first I was afraid, thinking that you would bring back too many memories for me, but we've been good.  You've been warm and filling, and a real boost to helping me keep my calories on track during the work week.

But today, I'm not feeling you. It's not you, it's me.  See, it's raining out--and will be raining for some time according to the weather guy, and as I'm learning--when it rains, I get restriction. So when I drank my protien shake this morning with the promise of Cream of Wheat on the horizon--well, I did have every intention of eating you.

I see you looking at me from your styrofoam cup, all warm and ready to go down. And I feel bad that I brought you on deck, only to send you back to the dugout.

Please forgive me, Cream of Wheat. I will always love you...just not today.

Love,

Luka

And project number two

This is the second project I completed today.  The glass turtle was part of a secret Santa gift at work (because I love turtles). The rest came from my bead collection. Not to bad...just wish I owned/wore more brown!

Trying to stay busy

I am the QUEEN of boredom eating. I find even with my band that I struggle when I have free time alone. 

Unfortunately, the nature of the ELBs job means that he is usually working every weekend.

This presents a problem for me, because when left to my own devices, I will eat....alot. I know that I can't do it, but I end up doing it anyways. It has to be a combination of boredom and head hunger.

Once I found myself eating a Klondike bar, I decided that it was time to stay busy. So I pulled out my beading stuff, and made a wrap bracelet. My forte is earrings, but I make alot of necklaces and ID holders, too. And no two things I make are the same, so it is a great creative outlet.

This is todays project. And there are still hours to kill before the ELB comes home. So I'll probably make some more stuff.

Hope everyone is having an awesome Saturday!

Supplements

Does anyone else struggle with the chewable supplements? My surgeon requires one multivitamin and 2-3 calcium citrates per day. The calciums are the WORST because they are huge and taste gross.

I've never been a fan of chewable vitamins. Unlike most kids I didn't grow up eating Flintstones like candy. Even as an adult, I struggle with eating an occasional Tums for heartburn.

I don't like it when they get stuck in my teeth. Blech.

Only another month till I can stop chewable and go to regular supplements!

Dreams of cookies

Last Friday, on my walk home I stopped to get the ELB dinner. And I got myself something for myself, too. 

We eat at Potbelly alot (well me not any more) and they have cookies...really good cookies.  And I hadn't had a cookie in over two months.  And they make ice cream sandwiches with those cookies. Two big fresh cookies with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream. And I got one.

I ate half on Friday, and the rest on Saturday, and I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE BITE. And I don't regret it. But now I can't stop thinking about how awesome it was.

This is where willpower will need to step up and not walk down the street to get another one. Because my willpower would totally do that to me.

Just checking in

So it was a regular old Monday today.

Nothing awesome or not awesome happened.

Made healthy food choices.

I started my day with my Unjury and soy milk shake.

I did not fall victim to bagels and pastries at a professional conference this morning. Instead I ate the ham/swiss roll ups I brought from home.

I ate a good lunch of chickfila tortilla soup and six grilled nuggets.

I did a two mile walk with the ELB when I got home.

I made a healthy dinner (quinoa broccoli chicken casserole w reduced fat cheese) and only ate one serving. And it was GOOD! I could have very easily eaten all of it.

So that was a day in my part of the world. How was yours?

I ate bread today

I did, and I kind of regret it (empty carbs) but it tasted so good that I don't. And I didn't have any issues with it, even with the tighter feeling band. I chewed it good and moistened it with my soup.

I just don't want to fall back into the carb habit but i think if I stick with a calorie total every day and focus on my protein I can still be successful. I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid it forever...because what kind of life would that be? I won't eat it every day...and probably not even once a week...but one piece of bread on occasion won't ruin my life.

You've heard the saying that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, right? Well, a warm crusty baguette smeared with real butter comes pretty close!

It's true what they say...

I am finding out that the weather actually DOES impact my restriction!

My first 'stuck' episode occured on the morning of my first post-op visit.  That was a day that the temps were going to hit the mid-80's, with a pretty high humidity on top of it.

This past Tuesday, I had the issue with being stuck and actually having a PB.  The weather that day? Warm and HUMID with impending rain.

As I type this, I realize that as I'm drinking some iced tea (don't shoot me--I needed it because of Aunt Flow combined with bariatric pressure headache), and it's going down S.L.O.W.L.Y. My protien shake also went down pretty slow this morning, but I chalked it up to the 'tighter in the morning' syndrom.

The weather today? Right now, it's been raining off and on, and highs are slated to hit the mid-70's before we get torrential thunderstorms this afternoon and temps dip back into the 50's tonight. And, according to my hair, its EXTREMELY humid today--which makes it feel alot warmer than it is.

I should have guessed by merit of suffering from Barometric pressure headaches that the same barometric pressure would impact my band. I just didn't actually EXPECT it to be happening so soon--with so little restriction in my band.

I'm deffinitely working hard to make the right changes and choices so that I avoid the stuck/PB issues that I've experienced. Now that I know what causes them, I know how to avoid them. I'll just be more diligent when the weather looks like it will be anything other than ideal!

I had a new band experience today

So most mornings I try to have a protein shake before heading out the door to work because I dont want to take the chance of having an episode. You know-pb or sliming or getting stuck. I have been pretty lucky and have just had one little episode where I felt little stuck  about a week ago or so.

This morning I was going to be at aday long conference so I thought I should eat something more substantial than a shake since I would be facing a continental breakfast first thing-with no opportunity for my mid morning cream of wheat.

I needed protein to help me face bagels...so I ate some of the canned chicken that was in the fridge.  And it got stuck. So I tried to sip some powerade zero to help it down...and it got worse....so I kind of burped some of it out...repeatedly. Kind of gross but not unbearable...not as bad as I thought it would be, actually.  Not that Iwant to do it again. I'm going to be sticking with my shakes in the morning from now on...regardless of what is on my agenda for the day.

In other NSV news, I fit in the seats at the conference better today than I did two years ago. Not super comfortable but I survived. AND I had a sensible lunch and avoided the afternoon dessert table. I looked a brownie table in the face and laughed. Ok it was more like I avoided the table like the plague, but I beat the brownie! And that is all that matters.

Out and about

While out today, the ELB and I ended up at the mall. And do you know what they have at malls that I DIE for?

Cinnabon.

And boy was I tested today. We walked past the Cinnabon FOUR times and one of those times they were giving out free samples.

FREE SAMPLES!

Do you know how unprecedented that is? I have never seen a Cinnabon give out free samples. And I REALLY wanted a taste. But thanks to the ELB I kept right on walking. Because we all know...well I know that I couldn't stop at just one bite. I would have found a way to justify a whole one...or even a tray of six to take home.

I think that is a HUGE NSV for today.

So instead of a Warm Ooey Gooey Sugar coma inducing Cinnabon-i had a kid sized SF Ice from Ritas. And even that smallest size was a challenge to finish.

Its all about the choices. And I'm choosing me.

And so it starts...

The worst part about being back to work? The afternoon snackies have reared their ugly head. I did awesome at lunch, but then i wanted something sweet.  Luckily i going this SF pudding cup in my desk drawer. I really do not want to gain before i get a fill!

Back to work!

I checked in with my surgeon yesterday and was released to go back to work. The nice nurse write down my vitals so i figured i would just post them.  I lost a little weight...but less than three pounds.  My surgeon said that was good-that i should average 1.5-2lbs a week. And btw, i DO have fluid in my band!

I had an episode yesterday morning where i think i got sorta stuck on a piece of deli turkey.  So i asked during my appt and there is some fluid in there!  My first fill is scheduled for May 15.  Now to get through the next month without gaining weight will be a challenge.  I've decided to go on Slightly modified pre op diet to keep my eating in check.

I also asked my doctor how he does fills and he told me that he will overfill then have me drink water and then he will back out fluid until three water goes through-and then he will take back an additional 0.5cc. He says this its more aggressive but he sees a higher success rate than he does doing multiple tiny fills.

Bring it on, Dr. Man.  I'm ready!

I see the surgeon tomorrow!

After weeks of waiting, I'm finally seeing my surgeon to get released to go back to work.  I'm excited, but also kind of like being a woman of leisure...I wouldn't mind an extended break--but alas no more time off for me until August. Gotta bank my time for my scheduled vacations for the rest of the year.

I have plans to see my surgeon and then meet up with treetop if my friends (both recent RNY) for girl talk and exercise before a haircut.

Busy day planned.  And temps are going to soar into the 90s tomorrow and I have nothing to wear! I'm too small for last summers clothes and too big for the things I kept of my moms. 

I was really hoping to avoid having to buy anything this summer, but I might need to break down and just try to find a pair or two of Capris that can go from work to non work.  And maybe a top or two. Ugh. I don't want to shop for anything.

NSV

Last week, the ELB and I went to a Peep show. The arts council is housed in one of those old theaters that had been renovated. They were showing movies made by the various schools and organizations in the community. And I sat in the theater seat without issue. The arms were not digging into my hips. In fact, the ELB actually complained about how uncomfortable the seats were while I was ecstatic about how I was able to fit! 

Don't get me wrong, there was little leg room--and both the ELB and I are almost 6 ft tall--but he is normal sized and doesn't have issues fitting places.

I always smile when I read about Holly at www.300poundsdown.com and her various posts about fitting in seats.  Now I understand the simple joy of fitting.  So you'll probably see more NSV seat posts as I move further into my journey.

Going back to work

My surgeons office has pretty strict rules about releasing patients back to work after surgery. And my employer also has strict rules about being released by your doctor before you can go back to work.

So even though I feel awesome and am having no issues at all, I can't go back to work until next Thursday.  That's the day after I see my surgeon for my followup.

I am soooooo bored.  And I need structure to keep myself on track. And since I'm still a month from my first fill, I also have no restriction, which means there is nothing to keep me from eating everything. And I feel like I am eating it all. Even though I'm tracking everything I just feel lazy and bored.

I need work to help me keep my eating in check. I'm also better about exercise at work because I walk at lunch.

So I hope I can get through the impending bandster hell for another month without gaining weight until I can start getting fills.

The next month my weight loss is up to me, and I don't want to lose the progress I made before surgery. I'm going to do my best to get my 60-80 g of protein and keep to under 1200 calories. 

Any suggestions on how to get through the next week till I can go back to work?

It gets better everyday!

Sleeping is getting better. I am getting into and out of bed a lot easier than even just two days ago.

The ELB and I went out yesterday for errands, and he took me to a Peep show.  Literally, we went to an art show where Peeps were the star.  I LOVE Peeps.  And since I can't eat them, I got to go see them in other forms. Super cute! The ELB loves me so much to indulge my silly inclinations.

It was my first day out of the house since coming home last Tuesday. The weather was gorgeous and I was ready to get out of the house and just do something.