Tuesday, April 30, 2013
The lunch monster
Forgive me Lap Band, for I have sinned. (Please don't be offended if you are Catholic)
It has been..well, this is my first real confession--which I am sure will be followed by many more to come. Oh yeah, this is just the beginning!
I have sinned against you, Lap Band. I am weak in the face of temptation. I have partaken of chips and salsa at Chili's three times in less than one week. I had you on Wednesday, Friday, and again today. And even though I feel guilt, you felt OH SO GOOD at the time, that I threw caution to the wind and partook of you fully. I'm not even going to quantify what happened with the Hershey Kisses.
I am weak, Lap Band. I know that I am. But I humble myself before you now, asking you to put me on the right path, to say NO to the evils of temptation that are found in the form of crispy warm salty tortilla chips served with salsa. And chocolate. And warm crusty baguettes with real butter. and..well, this list could go on for a while...
Help me, Lap Band, to rise above the humble temptations of lunch, and to make you work for me as you have for millions of others. I choose you, Lap Band, to guide me on this journey to health. I just need to stop being weak and grow a set of ...well, you know whats....and stop going out to lunch with coworkers so much--but it's the weather. Stupid rain! Yeah--let's go with that..because when it rains, I can't walk at lunch and get easily suckered into going out.
Please remind me that only I can control what goes into my mouth, and that it is not your job to stop me from eating bad food--only from eating too MUCH of that bad food--or even just influencing me to make healthier choices. Unfortunately, I get confused because the 'bad' food tastes so 'good', it's only understandable that it would cause me trouble.
Please forgive me, Lap Band, and allow us to move on from this indiscretion. I need you to guide me down the path to weight loss and good health. I am in this with you, Lap Band--if you are in it with me. Well, technically, you have no choice because you are inside me and have to go with me no matter what..but you know what I'm sayin'.
In the name of the surgeon, the dietician, and the support group meeting...Amen.