Monday, March 10, 2014


Change is scary. It means that you have to step outside of your comfort level. To do things that you aren't used to doing.

Some people embrace change. They live for it. Others become complacent. They like security. No one way of thinking is better than another--it's all in our makeup which way we fall.

I think that I could very easily be a person who does not like change. There's something to be said for being secure, for not rocking the boat...for not taking a chance that could cause us to fall flat on our faces.

But then, deep down inside, I get this little flutter--thinking of things that could be wakes up the little butterfly of change that I have. That little butterfly that has been hibernating for a while now. She's been buried under mounds of insecurity. Blankets of grief. Layers of complacency.

Two years ago next week, my mom died. I know that I probably talk about it alot, and I'm sorry for that.  But that will always be a defining moment in my life.  Not the only one, but one of many that have and will shape me forever. Another defining moment will be the day that I had Donny installed--1 year and eight days after the first anniversary of my mom's death. That is also defining moment in my life.

Now, it's that time again. Change is happening.  Maybe March is the month of change for me. It seems like alot of significant things happen to me in March. I met the ELB for the first time in person on March 31. That's a huge defining moment in my life, too.

And now, professionally, I'm about to make another change--in March, no less. Go figure.

And man, is it SCARY! I've spent 4.5 years with the same place, the same people...and it's been great.  But now, I'm ready. I've been through the scary stuff. I've been through the medical stuff. I'm changing myself on the outside, slowly but surely, and now it's time to change some things that have been put on hold.

After I make a phone call this afternoon, I will start the wheels in motion towards the future.

I'm scared, but excited. I've prayed about it. I've solicited advice. I've asked all the questions, and now it's time for me to take a chance on me. To not doubt myself or my abilities. To believe that I am as awesome as I think I am, that you guys think I am, that the ELB tells me every day that I am.

I'm ready, world...bring it on!


  1. I could not love this post more.

    I am also resistant to change, so I identify with a lot of this. I have no idea what it must feel like to lose a parent though. I cannot even imagine it and I don't really think I'm going to handle it very well when it happens.

    That little flutter you're feeling? I think it's hope and optimism. When I made the decision to reclaim my life in October of 2012, I remember getting that little flutter too. I almost didn't recognize it because it had been so long since I had felt optimistic about anything at all.

    I am so excited for you. You ARE awesome, and I am right here cheering you on!!

  2. Don't feel like you talk too much about anything you need to talk about - it is your blog. It sounds like you are doing an incredible job with the changes in your life - the ones you've chosen and the ones you have not chosen but had to weather. It sounds like this job is one you've chosen very thoughtfully and carefully, and I wish you all the very best!

  3. awe girl I so understand. I definatly fall in the complacent catagorie. I am happy for you exploring other job opportunitys. and if the flutter turns to flustered you now how to get ahold of me :) we can chat anytime