My first NSV

Had my first non-scale victory (NSV) this morning. 

As I'm kissing the ever loving boyfriend (ELB from this point forward) goodbye, he ran his hands down my sides and said, "Oh, your slippery." Since I was wearing a sweater, I asked him, "slippery, how?", and he said, "your losing weight here--now my hands slip right down".

A second one occured after I got to work. On days when I don't think I'll be able to do my daily walk at lunch, I get to work early and walk before I start my day.  In the beginning, I was trudging my laps around the building--and it was taking 20-25 minutes to do 4 laps.  This morning, I kicked out 5 laps in 20 minutes--and I wasn't even winded!  

This has been a great day!

Happy Thursday!

Slow and Steady

Stepped on the scale in class last night.....and I was down 2.5 pounds! I've lost 27.5 pounds since November by sticking to my nutritionist recommended daily calories and by walking. It's coming off slowly, but surely--and I haven't even had surgery yet!

I've tried to start weaning myself off soda and caffiene--but that's easier said than done. I like my daily dose of Diet Dr. Pepper with my lunch, and my cup of hot tea in the mid-morning at work. I know that caffiene isn't good for post surgery--and neither is carbonation. I think that giving up carbonation will be easier.  

I continue to suprise myself by losing weight, even when I don't expect to. However, I am one of those people who prepares for failure so that victory is that much sweeter.  If I go in prepared to have gained--then if I do gain, I'm not going to be beating myself up--but if I go in expecting a loss and I gained--then I'll be more upset. If I go in expecting a gain and I actually get a loss--well, you can see how this impacts me mentally. I did the same thing all through school, too--I would psych myself up to accept a low score on something-and then when I got a great score on a test or quiz or finals--I was elated! I don't know if this is 'healthy' or not, but it works for me!

Onward to 30 pounds down! Only 7.5 pounds to go.  No class next week, but I do have my second nutritionist appointment next Friday to get my pre-op diet and my post-op diet and all that fun stuff.  I already know what to expect because my little BBF group shares alot--but it's one more step to finishing the process!

One of those days...

Somedays, every single person that I come into contact with is a moron.  Seriously.

Today, I'm struggling with anger issues.  I'm pretty sure it's latent hormones from my visit with aunt flow, but still--sometimes, I wish I could reach through a phone line, or through email, and smack people on the back of the head and ask them if they REALLY are that stupid.

It doesn't help that I can't walk again today because mother nature has decided to grace us with ice and rain.  I really miss (NEED) my daily walks. They help me. I can walk out my anger/frustration. I can work out aggression. I sleep SO much better when I've had my walk.  And the weather keeps F'ing with me.

Luckily, I have plans to meet with a BBF for dinner.  She's not part of my BBF group from class-but another person that I've had a friendship with for a few years.  We have alot in common, and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her tonight.  She is scheduled to have traditional bariatric surgery in February (she's waiting for her surgery date).  We are hitting PF Changs for lettuce wraps and girl talk.

As always, I'm dreading weigh in Tuesday. I just don't feel confident that I've lost anything this week because my exercise has been so sporadic.  I know, I hear it all the time, "just join a gym".  Great advice, and if I had an extra $30-$40 to throw around every month, I would.  Right now, it's not a priority. I plan to join one after surgery, and hope I can go at least 3x a week.  And yes, I DO own a really nice Nordic Trac elliptcal that I paid over $900 for two years ago--I just don't have anywhere to use it.  Until you've lived in a 10ft wide rowhouse built in 1895, you will never understand the size constraints it presents.  Besides, I really prefer to walk outside.  I get bored too easy walking to nowhere.

So, that's it for today. I'm being really good so that I can play with my calories tonight-- I have almost 1500 left for the day!  I plan on eating every single bite of my chicken lettuce wraps--and maybe licking the plate.

I'll update you on Wednesday about the dreaded scale visit.

Challenges this week

We have been under a MASSIVE FRIGID front this week, which makes walking outside (my normal form of exercise) near impossible.  Seriously--we haven't gotten out of the teens during the day yet. (and this morning we woke up to snow!) 

This means I haven't been able to walk (well, combined with work obligations, a seminar, a going away luncheon for a VP, etc).  Alot of factors are working against me this week.

Last night, I ate alot.  I don't know why, except I can only chalk it up to hormones. I wasn't even hungry--maybe bored--but not hungry.  I think I did okay during the day--not great, because I went out and had a chili dog and a bowl of bean soup for lunch--but when I got home, it seemed like all bets were off. 

 I got tummy rumbly in the afternoon, and it cleaned out EVERYTHING.  The worst part was it was my own stupid fault, too--I was really craving salt, and I found a bag of Kettle chips in my desk--and I ate them. And as I learned from the french fry debacle on November--fried foods do not like me anymore.

And for the rest of the day (after everything was expunged from my body), I just felt ravenous. When I when I got home, I had two ham/swiss rollups--not too bad--but then I made Barilla stars pasta in chicken broth with Tyson grilled chicken to try to settle my tummy down and to fill it up some. Then later in the evening, I had two more ham/swiss roll ups, along with a Fiber 1 protien bar, and 1/2 cup of Low Fat cottage cheese drizzled with honey, and a cup of Trader Joes peppermint tea.

Now that I write all this out, I realize that I'm freaking out for probably nothing.  Yes, I went over on my calories, I know that.  Yes, I ate alot of stuff I didn't really need to--mainly the chips that caused this whole stinking thing--along with starting a new medication during a work day.  And yes, I will most likely pay for it at weigh in since I haven't been able to do any exercise.

Today is a new day.  I have a work lunch at Bertucci's, and I've already perused the menu this morning so that I know what I can have for calories.  The boyfriend and I are heading to a hockey game tonight, and will most likely eat out near the arena--and I'm perusing my menu options for this evening so that I can be on plan.  We are already going to another hockey game tomorrow (college) and will be hitting Fridays for dinner afterwards--and I have already researched my dinner options there, as well. I have downloaded so many menu nutrition documents on my computer, it's crazy!

Anyways, hoping that I'm able to at least maintain on Tuesday. I had high goals to continue on my 2lbs per week average--but this week is having a wrench thrown in it.

The verdict is in

And somehow, by the grace of God....I lost another two pounds! So, pre-surgery weight loss is currently sitting at 25lbs--with another five weeks left in class--and probably another 4 weeks after that until I actually get my Lap Band. That's alot of time to continue fighting the good fight and to continue losing weight before my little helper comes into play!

If I can continue my average of 2lbs per week for the next five weeks--I can be down 35 total by the end of class--not counting what I may lose while on the presurgery two week liquid diet required by my physician.

I don't know how I lost weight, considering all the circumstances stacked against me going into last night.  I just know that I'm encouraged to keep working hard at my pre-surgery goal of 40 lbs.  I'm chipping away at it.  And I will get there. 

So, I've been reading alot about how alot of Bandsters name their Lap Bands.  Since this is something that lives inside you, it should be treated as a separate entity. I've been kicking around the idea of some names for mine, once I have it.  On the Lap Band support group page, someone had posted the idea of a Band naming system that goes along the same idea of the 'porn star' name.  Their idea? Your favorite pre-Band food and the name of your first car.

I'm still kicking around what is my favorite pre-Band food.  And the whole first car thing is also tough.  I'll have to think about this one and get back to you on it.

Did any of you guys name your Lap Band so that you can talk about it by name?

Countdown to the scale

It's Tuesday--the day that I've been working for all week.

But it's not a good Tuesday.

I had a professional seminar to go to this morning, which means that I had to dress up.  Dressing up = heavy black pants instead of my light weight weigh in pants. It also means a heavier sweater instead of my super light weight knit that I tend to wear on Tuesday. 

I know, I know--the people in my class probably think that I only own one outfit, since I wear it every week. But I go for consistency with my weigh in, and after the sweater debacle a few weeks ago, I KNOW that what you wear on the scale makes a difference!

The seminar ran long, and even though I was a saint and avoided the bagels and pastry offered, I ended up stopping at my favorite Greek restaurant and grabbing a small Greek salad and chicken gryro for lunch. Not an unhealthy lunch by any means--but a HEAVY lunch.

I'm also approximately 24 hours from the arrival of my aunt flow (and believe me, I am riding the hormone swings  like a roller coaster-much to the dismay of my awesome and ever loving boyfriend who has caught the brunt of my bitchiness the past few days). Therefore, I am bloated.

Now I'm three hours from weigh in, having been awesome all week with my calories and my exercise, brought down my heavy clothes and a heavy lunch and hormones.

I just drank a huge cup of hot tea and two bottles of water to try to pee out some of the water weight from the day.

I know that if I weigh heavy tonight that it's the factors of the day that have caused it--and not me. I have been good. I walked TWICE yesterday! I walked on Saturday--all around Sams, Target, and the grocery store, and then again when I got home! I walked Friday night, and during lunch on Thursday. I've been GOOD!

I just know that no matter what the scale shows, if it's more than it was last week, I'm going to be disappointed. Despite the heavy lunch, the hormones, and the different clothes.

I'll let you know tomorrow. Right now, I really need to go pee.

Friday

This morning, I had a great idea for a post knocking around in my head.  Seven hours, and the start of a migraine later--I've lost it. I'm sorry.

And it was guaranteed to be funny. And awesome. And to bring you enlightenment and joy to get through the weekend.  Instead, you get this. Promises of awesome posts that fail to materialize.

I am happy that I have gotten my two very first commenter's! #soexcited to be validated! Thank you, Ladies, for your kind words!

This week has been a struggle for me. The weather did not help, but with the sun coming back out today, and with temperatures expected to be in the 50's tomorrow--I'm excited to get my walk on this weekend--and maybe lose some weight by my next weigh in Tuesday. My super supportive boyfriend will accompany me, and keep me motivated.

I went out for lunch today with two of my coworkers--and even though I chose what I felt was the healthy options--soup and salad--the salad dressing KILLED me calorie wise for the day. I did my research online before we went, so I knew what to expect for calories when I got there--but luckily I only used half the dressing. I'm not going to let it get me down, though.  Tomorrow is a new day--but getting on the scale on Tuesday and seeing two more pounds gone to bring me to 25 down is a HUGE motivator for me to up my exercise and stay on plan. 

This weekend, besides doing my bi-weekly grocery store and Sam's club excursion, I will be me making a big pot of my super healthy high protien awesome turkey chili.  I didn't get to make it last weekend, and I felt kind of out of sorts all week.  It's like my secret weapon to weight loss.  I make a huge pot, and then on weekends, when I get hungry, I eat that instead of bad choices.  Combined with brown rice, it's essentially the perfect meal, packing in kale, onions, peppers, corn, peas, green beans, carrots, tomatoes, ground turkey, alot of McCormick Cajun Seasoning and Chili Powder, aong with Pinto, Kidney, and Cannellini beans, and sometimes I add quinoa if it needs to thicken up. It usually takes me into Monday/Tuesday night dinners, and then I make another pot the following Saturday. I'm hoping that this will continue to be a mainstay of my diet post surgery, once I can eat real food again.

What's your secret to getting through a weekend without overindulging? Since weekends are not structured, I find myself with idle hands--and idle hands equal hands that can be shoving food into my mouth.  So I try to find projects to stay busy--make jewelry, knit scarves, read hardback books that require two hands to hold, etc.

Have a great weekend!  

Whew...

Close call averted!

When I stepped on the scale last night at class, I had horrible visions of a gain of such drastic proportions that there would be no recovery. I was ready to cry.

I was wrong. I stepped on the scale and weighed EXACTLY the same as last week. No gain, no loss. 

The relief was overwhelming--and if I had stepped back ON the scale immediately after, I'm sure it would have weighed less with the loss weight of the world from my shoulders! 

It was great to meet up with my BBF's before class last night to catch-up! It gives us time to bitch about our day, talk about our struggles (not that we don't text each other every day, anyways), give each other ideas about things that are to come (ie: learn to like cottage cheese if you don't already--it will be a valuable source of dairy and protien after surgery), and just everyday life stuff.

BTW: this is my new favorite mid-day snack! 12 dry roasted almonds and two Hershey Kisses.  It's like eating a super loaded Hershey with almond candy bar--and only 127 calories! Plus alot of super heart healthy benefits from the almonds.  SCORE!

That PMS....she sure is a b!tch...

My aunt flow is coming to visit next week, and today, I have been a ravenous emotional mess.

I know that I get weighed in class tonight, but it didn't stop me from eating soup (and bread!) at Panera for lunch--and then three hours later, eating the sandwich that I had orignally packed for my lunch. Along with two little cookies, some pretzel sticks, and a diet dr. pepper. Sigh.

I just feel bloated and blah today...and the crazy gray rainy weather is NOT helping things at all. I couldn't walk at lunch today, and even though I made smart choices when I go out--I still feel that I've probably gained about five pounds just from today. I'm dreading getting on the scale tonight. I've been having consistant loses since November--and if I get on and show a gain, I might cry.

I have nooone to blame but myself--but today has just sucked.

Fingers crossed I can pee out five pounds before 6pm!

Twenty-three

That's the number of pounds that I've lost so far.  When class resumed last Tuesday, I had lost 7.5 pounds between December 11 and January 8. Needless to say, I was so excited, I did a happy dance on the scale. I have been really trying to step up my walking and being more stringent with my calories. And if I don't know the calories in something, I overestimate to pad my numbers for later. 

The things I really continue to struggle with are weekends.  On Saturdays and Sundays, I spend most of this time alone in the house while the boyfriend is at work. I fill my time with laundry, cooking (diet friendly protein packed foods), and sometimes cleaning--but really watching cheesy TV movies. I don't tend to exercise because I live in the city, and I'm not comfortable walking by myself. Too many crazy people. That's why I try really hard to watch calories on weekends--and to get in as much exercise as possible during the week. So far, it seems to be working. 

I spoke with the program coordinator last week, and it looks like I'm on schedule with everything required for the surgery (psych eval, nutritionist appointments, attendance in class, and showing weight loss), and I can most likely expect to get a surgery date in March. There's alot to do between now and then--I need to meet with my surgeon again (Feb 22), schedule a presurgery appointment with my primary doctor, and try to figure out how to explain this to my manager at work. I'm going to stick with the 'gallbladder' surgery. I think it could work. Fingers crossed! 

When I started this process back in July 2012 by attending an information session, this seemed so far in the future that it was impossible to comprehend that it would come to a head, and I would actually be having surgery to aid me with losing weight. I have NEVER been a 'normal' size. I have never been thin.  While most people are pursuing this option to regain the life they had "before", I don't even know what I'll look like when I'm less heavy. I have always been heavy. 

I am having a bit of trepidation, because lets be honest, surgery is SURGERY! There is always the chance that something can happen--infection, bleeding, etc. I know in my head that this is something I need to do for me--to be healthier, to have a baby, to have a life that I can enjoy, to fit into seats at stadiums or on air planes, to move ahead professionally--I'm still afraid of the unknown. What if I'm a different person after I'm thinner (I'm not saying skinny, because I will still be plus sized even after I meet my goal)? What if my sense of humor doesn't translate? Maybe instead of being funny, I just turn into a bitch? It can happen, can't it? 

So, as excited I am to move forward and get my Lap Band and start on this path to a new life, I also understand the risks involved, and I know that there is more work required after the Band to be successful. Here's to the future!

Hanging in there...

Made it  back from a wonderful beach vacation last Monday, and then headed back to work on Wednesday. I also had a weigh in. 

While wearing a sweater, the scale said that I had gained 0.6 lbs.  Taking off the sweater, the scale said I had lost 0.8 pounds.  I'm going to err on the side of caution and say that I broke even and maintained during the week I was gone. 

I did eat some foods that I shouldn't have (ice cream! and pizza!) but made relatively good choices the rest of the time. It helped immensely that we had a condo with a kitchen, which allowed us to eat almost all of our meals in, we packed food and took it with us, and I feel that I came back, if not having lost a ton--but feeling that I at least made some progress on learning how to stay on plan during vacation. 

I also walked TONS--on the beach, on the boardwalk, at the outlet mall. One night I did a load of laundry, and the washer/dryer was on the floor below us--and I took the stairs--up and down--about 8x that night--after having walked about 4 miles on the beach. 

Since getting back into the work routine, I've been trying to get back on my eating/exercise schedule. It's always hard to restart things--but I'm working on it. I've been walking more distance/time than before, and I'm still making good food decisions, it feels like. 

I hope that everyone else did good over the holidays, also. I kept in touch with my BBF's via text, and I can't wait for class to resume next week so that we can catch up. 

I will be going to a support group meeting next week. This is part of the requirements for the program.  I don't mind, though, as I recently read that people who have had bariatric surgery and are involved in a support group lose more weight and keep it off better. I'm nervous about going into a new situation--but I am pretty confident that the people in the support group will be inspirational and provide details about their journey. 

I'll let you know what happens next week!