Friday, August 2, 2013
My ovaries are stronger than....
See, my ovaries have magical powers. They are STRONG. I mean, they have like their own gravitational pull. They can disrupt electronics. If I let them, I'm sure they would be telekinetic and I would walk around all day with things like snickers bars and cans of coke attached to my abdomen.
I have the equivalent of Chuck Norris in the form of ovaries.
I am the alpha female when it comes to periods. I WILL pull you into my vortex. Think you have a period you can set your clock to? Think again. I have every single woman in my building on MY period schedule.
I use my magical ovary powers to change red traffic lights to green.
I can (and will) disrupt TV signals--or use my ovaries for good to get better reception.
My ovaries can either love me or hate me. Sometimes, I think they are out to kill me.
My ovaries would TOTALLY rock a Katy Perry whipped cream bra, if they could.
The ELB refers to the power of my ovaries as 'legendary'. He will even comment, "hey, use your magical powers to _______________". And usually, whatever I do, works.
Today, my ovaries are stronger than the birth control pills. Aunt Flow is not supossed to be here till next week. I am a good girl, and I ALWAYS take my BCP every day, at the same time.
Aunt Flow showed up last night. Seriously. She's a week early. This is how my ovaries deal with me being stressed beyond all recognition--they just add to the mix!
In addition to eating pretty much everything that came within 50 feet of my face last night, choosing to not exercise in leiu of sitting on the couch in air conditioning and watching junk television all night, staying up WAY past my bed time, forcing me to go to Olive Garden for lunch with a coworker (my THIRD lunch out this week--WTF), making my band so tight that this morning I had a stick episode... she has just decided to show up early and give me a pounding headache on top if it.
Happy Friday, ya'll....Seriously. Aren't you happy you aren't me?