cheating...on myself

I have been a bad bander.

Since my restriction has increased, I've discovered a new found appreciation for slider foods.

Milkshakes (although in all fairness I only had this after that horrible stuck episode), cookies, chips, chocolate. The list goes on.

It seems like for every healthy choice I make, I made one on the flipside that is worse!

Oh, can't have bread because you'll get all stuck up? That's okay! Cookies don't get stuck!

Really want crackers with your soup but you defer because of carbs? Well, good thing that chocolate bar slides right through!

Eating soup because solid protien is too much to contemplate? Well, lucky you! You can satisfy your solid food craving with Doritos!

Yes, this IS how my brain (and apparently stomach) are currently thinking.

It stops today.

Okay, looking back in retrospect, I had one milkshake (split with the ELB last Saturday). I had one of those $0.50 cent bags of Doritos (and one of Cheetos). And I had 5 Voortman cherry turnover cookies. And one Reeses cup.

In the past, this could have been TRIPLED, and would have most likely have all occured in maybe just one day of eating. Instead of the tiny bag of Doritos, it would have been the family size option from Sams club. Instead of just 5 cookies over 3 days--it would have been the entire package in one sitting. Instead of splitting the milkshake, I would have had the whole thing to myself--and added in the chicken sandwich and large fries to finish it out--make it a balanced meal, you know?

I'm not perfect. I struggle ALL THE TIME. Even with new found restriction, my brain keeps telling me that I need to eat more. I use the small plates and tiny silverware. I don't drink while eating. I know all the tricks--I just need to retrain my brain to accept them as 'normal'.

Small victories this week--NOT caving to Burger King the other day for lunch.  Or caving this morning for breakfast.  Getting in my protien. Walking every morning.  Working on getting my water up with my restriction.

Things I need to work on--get rid of the cookies. I just put them out for coworkers. Walking MORE than I currently am. Taking smaller bites. And most importantly, NOT eating anything after 8pm. I've found that if I eat anything after 8pm, when I go to bed at 11, it still feels like it's floating around in there and I'm so afraid that I'll regurgitate in my sleep and choke on my own stomach contents. Gross, but it's making it easier to say no to things.

It's hump day.  Countdown to the weekend.