What.The.F%$#!

Seriously, I have a problem.

This is what happened at lunch today. Thank you coworker for your lovely gift that  I COULD NOT SAY NO TO!

I did all my calorie calculations and I came up with this as my lunch totals. I did not eat the bread, because, funny story (or not so funny story), I ate a bite and immediately got stuck, began to slime, and eventually had a PB episode. This is only like the fourth time this has happened--and this was by far the WORST one.

I had (all estimates from google--so not sure of how accurate)
approximately 2 small meatballs (1.4oz) about 90cal
Nutella filling --about 2TBSP--200 cal
equivalent of 1 slice rustic italian bread--100cal
1.5 oz italian deli meat (from sandwich)--75cal
salad with fat free dressing--45cal (veggies free)

I am so disappointed in myself. I am ashamed. I tracked down my accountability buddy and confessed my sins. She told me that she had two mango margaritas and some s'mores last night, and not to beat myself up over a bad day. And that I still had plenty of calories to get through the rest of the day without going over.

I know I still have calories left--it's not the point. The point is that I have yummy Unjury chicken protien dip and fresh veggies and 2oz of grilled chicken in the fridge that was SUPOSSED to be my healthy super awesome lunch.

I read on 700 pounds is as bad as it sounds, this is totally me: "But you know how it is for us food addicts. When the food is right in front of you and you are hungry it becomes hard to dial it back."


I wish I could go back to 11:30 and have a redo for the day. Just not even eat any of it, and just go on with my life. Sigh.

Does it get any easier?

The fridge runneth over

Since I have restriction and haven't been eating as much--I have a bit of a problem. 

Leftovers. 

I LOVE leftovers. But usually I don't have any (because I would eat everything at the meal), or they would be gone by the end of the night.  Those that made it through to the second day were usually gone by breakfast.

Now, I have leftovers.  There's a whole container of grilled chicken in the fridge (the results of two nights of dinners). There's 1/2 of the bag of Trader Joes' gnocchi that I fixed last night waiting in the fridge. There's deli meat and cheese that I bought over the weekend that is just sitting there.

I went through an adjustment period when I moved away from home to go to college, and when I was out of the dorms and in my own place and able to cook again--I didn't know how to cook for just one or two. I only knew how to cook for five or six. So, over the past few years, I've had to relearn how to cook for two. And usually what I cook for two is really just for me, because the ELB and I don't always agree on food--one meal plus leftovers for me. Or one great big meal for me, as the case usually has been.

This week, I'm turning away the large half plate portions. I'm saying no to seconds. I'm being satisfied on one breakfast sandwich, and eating sensibly portioned dinners. I'm not snacking all day long. I'm not going to the kitchen 10x a night looking for something.

Today, I'm making crock pot chicken barbecue because I had leftover rotisserie chicken from last week that I needed to use up. The freezer is FULL and I can't leave it in the fridge any longer. So into the crock pot it went this morning with homemade bbq sauce (probably not the best choice but made with ketchup, brown sugar, garlic powder, McCormick cajun seasoning, red wine vinegar, and some worsteshire--I also added 1/2 cup of SF apple sauce). I will probably pick up a small container of cole slaw at the grocery store during lunch and now dinner is done. And if the ELB decides he doesn't want any, well, I"ll have dinner for a few nights, I guess.

This is deffinitely a learning experience for me. I'm already studying the menu for my office lunch tomorrow to find something that keeps me on plan, and isn't ginormous portion wise because honestly, I don't need to be taking home any more leftovers. And the ELB and I are heading to my dads house Friday/Saturday. Looks like I'll be packing a cooler and taking some of my food with me. Probably for the best, because I don't like fast food anyways. 

BTW, yesterday, hit 1285 for calories. I tried the new Grilled Market Salad (180cal) from Chick-Fil-A for lunch, and used the Berry Balsamic Vinegarette (110). I did NOT use the granola or nuts on it to save calories. I was suprised--I'm usually not a fruit in my salad kind of girl, but it worked! I will deffinitely get it again.

I've got...Hiii-iiigh Hopes!

It is SO freaking hot here. I am doing my walking in the mornings, despite the heat and humidity, only because morning walking is more bearable than the 90+ temps that are in place during the afternoon/evening. I noticed that I've gotten some sun on my face (thanks, big brown splotchy freckles!), and chest--despite my daily use of sunscreen.

So, even though I am getting (slightly) sweaty in my work clothes (because yes, I get dressed for work, arrive at work, walk for 25 minutes, and then go in to work and start my day), I'm at least getting some exercise. It's not perfect, but it will do for the time being.

Combined with my new friend, restriction,  and consumption of less calories, I am feeling pretty positive right now. I have high hopes for a successful appointment in July!

Monday night phone post

I think that my.5cc fill combined with this oppressive blanket of humidity in Baltimore has tightened Donny-girl up. I have been spot on today. Actually I think I hit right around 1100 calories (it was actually 1145 because I had two kings hawiaan rolls with dinner)...maybe less bc I need to write it down and tally it up.

I have eaten healthy. And work friend and I are going to be accountability buddies. She doesn't know about Donny, she just knows that I'm trying to stay under 1500 cals a day...and that is her goal, also. She had met with a nutritionist to help her start making healthy choices--so now we can work together!  

This can work, for both of us! 

While we were talking this morning, two different people walked by us in the hall carrying plates of dessert...at 10am. I said, "someone put cakes in the breakroom?"  She said "yep". I said "I'm not going near it." She said "me neither". And our work friendship now includes a confidant to keep us focused on our weight loss goals. We are also WWF friends, and the occasional girls night out friends, too. She's a friend--a new friend--we've only known each other for about 2 years--but only recently have moved from strictly work to doing things outside of work in the past six months or so.

Maybe one day I'll tell her about Donny. One day far far away.For now, Donny is my little secret.

Phone Post

So my appt was a mixed bag.

I was scheduled for 330 pm. I didn't get called back until almost 430. The surgeon didn't see me until almost 530.

The office nutritionist came to see me while I was waiting, and I was able to talk to her about the things I'm struggling with. She was good about listening and gave me some advice. She wants me to stay under 1500 calories a day, and to stop eating out at lunch so often.

I've gotten bad about eating out like EVERY DAY, and even though I count the calories, I know that the sodium had to be killing my weight loss. So my pledge is that I will limit my lunches out to twice a week and I will go back to packing and trying to walk at lunch like I did before.

Now about my appointment...I only lost 0.2 lbs. In all fairness, I was wearing jeans AND I had some swelling in my leg from my ankle sprain...but I had really hoped for something more...I don't know...better. But it wasn't a gain.

The nutritionist also told me that i should only be eating every 4-5 hours, even if I am hungry between meals. I didn't realize how much I snack. Even though I was having healthy snacks like low fat string cheese and brown rice crackers, it had been working against me.

As for my fill, the surgeon gave me 0.5cc. So now I am at 5.5 in my band. I do have more restriction. I will do my best to make this work over the next month. I'm scheduled to go back on 7/24...which is one day before my 4 month bandiversary.

Last night the ELB and I hit Wegmans before coming home and I stocked up on veggies for lunch next week-red/yellow/orange bell peppers, mushrooms, cucumbers, and zucchini and yellow squash. I plan on making a batch of Unjury chicken Greek yogurt dip and will prep my veggies for the week tomorrow.

I do have a work lunch on Thursday that is mandatory BC we are meeting/entertaining the new VP who is my bosses boss...but I will  do my best to stick to plan the rest of the week.

Thank you to those that responded to my last post. I really appreciate the support and advice, and will try to look into that counseling suggestion in the very near future. I've been kicking it around for a while and I think it might be time.

Stress

I go for my (hopefully) second fill today.

Last night was bad. I have some swelling in my leg from my bum ankle, so I didn't walk. I probably should have sucked it up. Today, I'm not wearing the brace, and the ELB said we can start walking in the morning.

I ate over my calories yesterday. How many over, I don't know. I just haven't calculated everything out.

My dad called me last night to ask me what I'm doing July 5, because he's decided to get remarried that day. THAT just killed me. I cried. Alot. It's not that I don't want my dad to be happy. I do. I just think it's too soon. My mom passed away less than 18 months ago. He mentioned that he wanted to get remarried--but I thought that I had more time. I thought sometime next year. Maybe even Christmas. Not July.

I don't understand how you can love and be married to someone for almost 40 years--and then begin dating someone and get remarried so soon after losing them. I don't understand.

And I can't be there on July 5 because I have to work. And I'm angry that he has this whole new family. HER family. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, so he found someone else with kids and they're better than me. They all live there. They are all involved in each others lives.  I feel left out. And it makes me have self doubt. That maybe if I were thinnner or prettier then I would be good enough. And I know that it's not it at all--I know that my dad loves me the best way he knows how to. But my own issues skew my thinking.

I also feel that if he really wanted me to be there for him for his wedding, then he would have given me more notice. That he would have found a date that worked for everyone--and not just her family. It makes me feel like I don't really have a family any more. All of my grandparents are gone. My mom is gone. Now my dad is figuratively gone. My brother might as well be gone since he won't talk to me. I'm not close to my aunts or cousins. I actually feel like an orphan.

I wanted to stress eat. I ate one Little Debbie cloud cake (twinkie). And that was it. Then I went to bed and I slept so hard (because after I cry, I sleep).

I'm still emotional today. SUPER emotional. I'm crying right now writing this. And I HATE to cry.

I need to move past this. I need to accept this new phase of my life. I thank God every single day that I have the ELB in my life. This would be so much harder on my own.

One more day

I am exhausted. Last night, I didn't get home until almost 10pm--and didn't get to bed until 1am. I get up at 5:30 in the morning for work.

I was also a very bad bander yesterday. After eating a (rather) large lunch around 12pm (I went to the farm store and had collard greens, hash brown casserole and 4 baked chicken wings), I was full for the rest of the day.  I didn't eat anything again until after I got home last night. So I went over 9 hours. Around 5:30 or so, I did start getting hungry and I was driving past a Burger King--that was literally piping the charbroil smells into the atmosphere through that chimney on top of the store--but I was STRONG. I drove right on past that Burger King. And every other single fast food/take out place the entire night. Including the Dunkin Donuts that would have been so delicious with a Homer Simpson and small cup of their awesome coffee. Sigh.

In other news, I'm pretty sure that I was under on my calories--but I don't really have a calculation. I had 1/2 of an organge chicken sub sandwich and some broccoli salad for dinner--but the place that makes the sandwich doesn't have nutritional information--and the salad came from the deli at the grocery store. I'm going to assume that I was under since I still had a ton of calories to play with.

I did some shopping last night--hit the grocery store, Trader Joe's, and the Goodwill.  I love the 'will. I buy my books there, read them, then donate them right back. So, I bought a ton of books (if 7 is a ton), two McDonalds Muppets glasses from 1981 (I'm almost positive that we had these exact same glasses when I was a kid--but me and breakables don't mix so none of them survived my childhood), and an Eddie Bauer cardigan in heathered navy blue as a goal sweater. I love cardigans, and I could totally picture me wearing this in the fall/winter with a pair of jeans and a crisp white shirt. It's one of those classic pieces that I know once I fit into, I will wear for years.

I also picked up some coconut oil at TJ to try. It seems like coconut oil is the 'it' thing of the moment--and you know me--I read about a band wagon, think about it, and then sometimes I get on it when I see it at TJ's!

So, I have a pair of goal jeans to fit into by September 1, 2013, and a goal caridigan that I will fit into by September 1, 2014. I know that it's stupid--but if I have visible reminders of my goals around me, I think it keeps me more motivated. We will see if it happens! I have been super motivated on the jeans (till this week when I fell down). I told the ELB that I want to take a test walk on Saturday to see how my ankle is healing.

calorie schmalorie

I lost track of what day I am on my calorie counting journey.

It's okay--because I'm still writing it all down--even the bad stuff.

Like yesterday.  1/2 of a panera short bread cookie--and three oreos. But I was still under 2,000 for the day--and that was my goal. Yesterday, I hit 1960 for the day--which also included two fiber one brownies with a Weight Watchers snack size ice cream bar after dinner..which, I really didn't need because I wasn't even hungry...but it sounded good.  

I go Friday for my second fill appt, and I hope that I get one. Not being able to walk this week is throwing me for a loop. I feel better when I get to walk. I'm going to be doing some shopping tonight while the ELB works, so that will be a little exercise. My ankle is still wrapped today because of all the injuries--that's the worst. I left my hands and knee wounds open over night so that they would be able to scab up and start healing. But otherwise, I feel pretty good.

I also got my hair cut last night--and it looks totally cute, even second day unwashed (because she just washed it last night!). I spent $20 on a bottle of super skinny serum from Paul Mitchell--it's what the stylist used to create this awesome style--and she told me that it would be light enough to not make my hair greasy--but would help to control the frizz and fly aways. It also smells AMAZEBALLS. That's all she used for product. She also told me to invest in a good quality ceramic brush for drying (which I rarely do)--but just might, if I can recreate this look on my own.

So, in spite of still hobbling around I'm feeling better. Hands are healing. Knee is a little leaky, but will pass. 

But honestly, if I go in on Friday, and I haven't lost at least a pound...I will probably cry.

I hurt

My trip/fall really took it out of me.

I hurt today--ankle is the worst--but the open scrapes on my hands are bad, too. My knee is more out of sight, out of mind. But I type alot for work--and every type is a twingy reminder of my stupidity.

I'm also battling some nausea this morning--I think that my fall jarred me enough that it's triggering a slight case of vertigo. I have inner ear issues, so things like a hard fall will throw me for a loop.

Sigh.

No walk this morning (obvs), and probably not until the weekend. My ankle is wrapped. I'm bandaged up. And I'm trying to think of something for lunch that will be healthy and not make me feel crappy. I have to run to Target for more bandaids, and I didn't pack b/c I felt so blechy this morning that the thought of food made me want to hurl--so it will most likely end up being soup from Panera.

Good news is, I was under on calories yesterday--I hit 1510 for the day. So at least I'm working on that part favorably.

I'm an idiot...or a klutz...take your pick

Went to take a walk with the ELB tonight. Got two blocks from home and tripped over broken concrete.

Fell down, Cut up both hands pretty bad, scraped up my knee pretty bad, and twisted my ankle. There was blood involved...and i had to cut off lots of skin flaps.

Will probably not be able to exercise walk for a few days. Not until my ankle gets back to normal.

I'm such a moron. And disappointed in myself. I really wanted to have a loss come Friday. Now I'm afraid that this will keep me from seeing it.

I think I'm going to bed.

#proud of myself

I actually tracked my calories this weekend, which I NEVER do.

Everything got written down.

Yesterday, I didn't break 1,000 calories. I think I clocked in at like 990 for the day.

This is a crazy week, work wise, so I'm hoping that the stress stays away and doesn't make me eat everything.

I should be getting fill #2 Friday--fingers crossed. Also hoping to post at least a 5lb loss from last month.

Happy Monday!

Sunday phone post

Stayed under calories again yesterday...1675.

Created a yummy snack...

Fiber one brownie (warmed) topped with half a sliced banana, a scoop of skinny cow ice cream, and a dash of fat free whipped cream. Delicious!

Happy Sunday.

Saturday phone post

Did awesome with calories on Friday...1685. Ate a lot of protein.

Doing good today and on target to be under again. Didn't exercise today mainly Bc of my aunt flow still breing a cow.sigh.

How everyone is having a great Saturday.

Gotta get down on Friday!

Yesterday, I totally ROCKED my calories for the day! And I got in my walk in the morning. The afternoon was plagued with severe weather so I stayed inside.

7am: Unjury Iced Mocha                                           180cal
9am: 5 brown rice crackers                                         50cal
         Unjury chicken dip                                            90cal
          three cucumber slices                                        free
11am: ham/swiss sandwich                                       250cal
2:30: six grilled chicken nuggets (CFA)                        120cal
         cinnamon apple sauce                                       60cal
5pm: ham/swiss rolls                                                200cal
8pm: ear of corn                                                          free
         baked beans                                                   320cal
         grilled chicken                                                 100cal
Total for day:                                                                     1370

I tried making an egg white muffin sandwhich at home for breakfast this morning--and it was awesome. I used an Arnold sandwhich thin instead of an english muffin, and the eggwhites from the container-- and it was great! I wonder if egg whites reheat well once they are cooked--so could I make this at night and then just reheat? Or would it just be better to cook the egg whites fresh when I wanted one? I'm going to see how it does at keeping me full for the morning.

My Aunt Flow showed up, and she is being a real cow to me today. Ugh. But I did get three laps in before the rain became hard to deal with.

Nothing planned for the weekend except for the usual--laundry, sleep, walking, and if I'm so inclined--cleaning. What an exciting life I lead.

Yesterday and Today

So, today there was a small NSV for me.  During my morning walk this morning, I was able to clock six laps around my building in 23 minutes.  It used to take me over 20 minutes to do four laps when I first started walking in November and by the end I would be DYING. Now I do six every morning (weather permitting).  Monday, I plan on adding lap seven.

As for food yesterday, I don't think I did too badly.

7am:    Turkey sandwich                               130cal
          1/2  Unjury iced coffee shake               90cal
11am:   tossed salad                                    free
            dressing/croutons                             100cal
            hot italian ciabatta sandwich              530cal
3pm:     1/2 skinny cow ice cream                    75cal
6pm:      kale/onions/peppers/tomatos/garlic     free
            chicken salsa suprise                         1170

Total for day:                                                      2095

Stupid chicken salsa suprise.How can you tasted so good and be so bad?   Again, I ate the whole thing. I bought regular cheese instead of reduced fat, which is the majority of the problem. I just need to stick to the one porition  size on that dish (it makes about two cups), and I would have been under for the day.  

I noticed a weird pain yesterday around my large scar.  My port is about 5 inches south of this scar, but I've noticed some weird random pain--not OMG I'm going to die pain--just some twinges. Also, I burped for the first time since before surgery. Now I'm worried that I might have a band slip. I see the surgeon next Friday (June 21) for a fill--but does anyone have any input on what might be causing this? I'm not sick or throwing up or feeling bad. Just this twingy pain.

My scar sits right on my tummy where my desk hits--and I do lean forward and push on that area alot during the work day. But that wouldn't cause me to burp, would it? Could the burp just be random and unrelated? I just read on the boards that burping is something that you usually aren't able to do post surgery--so it shocked me when I did.

Probably just being paranoid.

Yesterday was bad...but not as bad as I thought

So, I ate WAY TOO MUCH yesterday.  I know that Aunt Flow will be here tonight, but really, that's NO EXCUSE for my indiscretion.

7am: slice of ham                                                30cal
8am: 1/2 raisin bagel                                          160cal
        plain cream cheese                                       75cal
         cream of wheat                                           90cal
10am: beef stick                                                  60cal
          Sargento reduced fat cheese stick                 60cal
12pm: 4 baked chix wings  (4ozmeat)                    120cal  
          collard greens                                           free
          chipotle hashbrown casserole                      280cal (est)
1-4pm: assorted candies (6pcs)                             180cal
           3 peanut butter cookies                             510cal (est)  
6:30: two turkey burgers                                       560cal
         kale/onion/tomato/garlic/peppers                   free
10pm: 1/2 skinny cow ice cream                              75cal
Total calories for day:                                            2200 (?)

Okay, now that i do the math, it's really not as bad as I thought. Of course, the original total was WAY higher because I had to google reeses pnut butter cookies for an estimated calorie count--and the first website said that there were over 1700 calories per cookie. I about had a heart attack! When I checked another site, I saw that it was actually like 170 calories per cookie. WHEW!        

I'm doing okay so far today. Although, I did an epic FAIL for breakfast. 

Recently, I have realized that I sometimes like the taste of coffee--but I am not a coffee drinker. So the other week, I bought a jar of Maxwell House instant coffee to use to make shakes with so that it tastes like one of those fancy schmancy coffee drinks. This morning, I thought, instead of doing the shake, I'll do an iced mocha drink. And as soon as I dumped the Unjury into the coffee, I realized I had made a grave error. Unjury clumps in liquids over 140 degrees--and my mock coffee was well over that. So, my iced coffee was kind of gross. But now I know to mix the Unjury with the soy milk and then temper in the coffee. Lesson learned. 

I have been on plan (sort of) today, barring the coffee mishap. Will update tomorrow once I have finished my calorie consumption for the afternoon.

B2B day...whatever

Okay, so I lost count.  But I haven't stopped counting my calories!

Yesterday, even with the asiago bagel, I did okay.  Pumpkin said that she can't eat bagels.  Well, I probably shouldn't be eating them--and after I get my second fill next Friday--I probably won't be able to, either. So I enjoyed this one while I could.

Yesterdays food looked like this:

7am: Unjury Shake made with Silk                                  180cal
12pm: Asiago Bagel (toasted)                                        330cal
          plain cream cheese                                             190cal   
          cucumber                                                              free
          Boars Head oven gold turkey breast                        60cal
4pm: slice of ham                                                          30cal
6:30:Chicken enchilada suprise                                     1180cal
10pm: 1/3   of Skinny Cow ice cream cup                           50cal    
Total calories:                                                                       2020   

So, was I awesome? Meh, not really. I didn't NEED the bagel with cream cheese. I didn't need the ice cream.  I didn't need to eat the ENTIRE dish of chicken enchilada suprise...but I did. I am not proud of myself. I am actually disappointed. I was perfectly happy with a single portion that would have kept me well under my calories for the day. And then I ate the rest of it. I regretted it, too.  

This is what I deal with EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know that I'm satisfied with a portion. I know that I'm 'full' and that I've had enough and that I should walk away. I know that if I am truly hungry, that I can walk into the kitchen at any time and get something to eat. I don't know why I have these issues with food and having to eat all of something at one time.  I bet that it would have been really good as leftovers for dinner tonight--but I'll never know that now. 

I have no idea why I have this in my head. I grew up in a house where we never wanted for food. I had plenty of love and affection. I was never really denied anything growing up (well, except for the major life altering things like a brand new mustang convertible on my 16th birthday, the 'perfect' LL Bean ski sweater for Christmas one year...things like that). I wasn't a spoiled rich girl, but my dad worked hard to provide for us. My mom stayed at home and was there every single day when we got home from school. We had chores and were taught to work hard for what we wanted.   

I had a good childhood.  

So why am I so screwed up in my relationship with food?                          

Lunch

I ended up making a turkey and cucumber sandwich on my bagel. it was yummy.

Survived the weekend

So, I'm going to admit that I'm HORRIBLE about keeping track of food/calories on weekends!

The lack of structure totally throws me off, and I end up not adhering to any plan and just kind of wing it.

Luckily, I did okay with food choices, and I don't think that I went over 2,000 calories either day.

Saturday, I just mainly had alot of protien and veggies, and one skinny cow ice cream cup (150cal)

Sunday, I did the same--lots of protien and veggies.

I did have one Berger cookie on Sunday (140 cal). And that is hard to do because they are freaking AWESOME! One of the best things to come from Baltimore, along with Old Bay!

I did walk on Saturday, but less so Sunday, unless you count one trip around the Bed Bath Beyond with the ELB as exercise. And I don't think it qualified, even with the added trip around Walgreens.

This morning, I got to work and walked in the HUMID MUGGY air for 20 minutes.  I was sweating like a MOFO.

Today, I'm doing good so far. I had my shake at 7am on the way to work, and I packed Unjury chicken protien dip and a cucumber for lunch. I also have an Asiago bagel from Panera (birthday breakfast for a coworker) that I didn't eat, and which I might have part of with lunch today. I was thinking of making an open face cucumber sandwich with it.

Happy Monday!

Day three...phone post

Went over by 90 calories on Friday, but otherwise did pretty good. And i even walked in the pouring rain with my umbrella before work for 20 minutes. Better than nothing!

The killer for yesterday was soup/salad/bread sticks lunch at olive garden. If i had done one serving of each it would have been good, but i had two bowls of soup, two servings of salad, and two bread sticks for a whopping 920 calories!

Today has been ok. Took a three mike walk with the ELB, I've only eaten dinner leftovers of turkey taco casserole (turkey burger, mushrooms, onions, tomato sauce, rotel chills and tomatos, garlic, and 1/2 pack of taco seasoning, and one can of Cannellini beans rinsed). I ate with with a dollop of Fage Greek 0% yogurt and some LF shredded cheese. I'm working on my water, and reading a book.

I have bbq turkey meatloaf in the oven along with some cauliflower roasting. Its been a good day!

Day three of B2B

I know that you guys must be sick of reading what I eat every day, but I'm really just trying to hold myself accountable to me (and you!).

I'm taking responsiblity for my actions and by doing so, I can grow and learn.

We are getting hit by tropical storm Andrea, so it's crazy rainy today. I did try to walk this morning--but only got 15 minutes in with my umbrella.

Day three I did good with sticking under 2,000 for the day.

7am--Unjury shake made with Silk              180 cal
9am--1/2 ham/swiss sandwich                    100 cal
11:30--Panera broccoli cheddar soup            200 cal
            1/2 chicken sesame salad               240 cal
             baguette                                     180 cal
3:30--beef stick                                          60 cal
          Sargento cheese stick                        80 cal
4:30--1/2 ham/swiss sandwich                    100 cal
7pm-- JennieO turkey burger                       280 cal
           Kale/onions/mushrooms                       free
           McCormick brown gravy                      50 cal
9pm--Fiber One brownie                                90 cal
9:30--two ham/swiss rollups                        150 cal

total calories for day:                                       1710

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can stick with plan this weekend. As long as the ELB is around, I'm pretty good at sticking to plan. It's when I'm alone that I tend to boredom eat.

I was going to make a pot of soup this weekend--the chicken tortilla that I made before. But I read on sugar iz crack that you can make a chicken enchilada type dip thing using cheese, canned chicken, and chilis--and I have all that at home--so was thinking of experimenting with making that into a soup.  Should be a fun experiment. I assume I can make it the same way that I made my knock off broccoli cheese soup with a roux, but we will see!

If it turns out good and (sorta) healthy, I'll post the recipe.

Have a good weekend!

Second verse...(not) same as the first

Day two of getting back to basics went MUCH better. For one, even though I did have an office lunch out, I made good choices. Under the original meal plan that I had, vegetables are considered 'free', so there are no calories counted towards the daily totals.

7am--Unjury shake (made with Silk)         180cal
9am--ham/swiss sandwich                       200cal
11:30--collard greens                              free
          macaroni and cheese (6oz)            315cal (est)
         4 bakedchicken drummies (4oz)       184cal (est)
3pm--dark chocolate cranberries (1oz)       150cal
7:30--JennieO turkey burger                     280cal
          onions/peppers/mushrooms            free
          McCormick brown gravy                  50cal
8:30--3 mini brownies with salted caramel  250cal
Total calories for day:         1609

I would say that is MUCH better than day one! Is it perfect? Well, in the mindset that I plan on abiding by until my next fill on June 21, I did great. I stayed under 2000 calories, which was my goal.  Am I still eating too much? Yes. But I did better than Tuesday, and today I'll do better than yesterday. And every day I will work on improving until I can get to around 1,000 and get my porition sizes under control.

I've started my day with a walk (25 minutes), and was joined this morning by someone in another department who has seen me walking since November and decided that it's time for her to start making changes. So, inspiring others has already started!

Now THAT is motivation!

Houston, we have a problem

Okay, I've never actually been to Houston--but I do have a SERIOUS problem.

I tracked my food yesterday the way that I used to track my food. I wrote it all down, I tracked my calories, and I found out that I am eating WAY to much.

In the efforts of full disclosure, I have put down my total calories for yesterday. Please note that I do not eat out at Chilis for lunch every day--it just so happened that I did yesterday--which makes this a prime example of how detrimental even one lunch out a week can be.  (Also note that I did get over 100g of protien for the day.)

7am: veggie lasagna (homemade)                   180cal
8am: ham/swiss sandwich                              200cal
9am: greek yogurt covered pretzels                 200cal
11am: chips/salsa   (half order)                      455cal
     1/8 chicken/bacon/cheese quesadilla           218cal
      1/2 molten lava cake with ice cream           580cal
3pm: greek yogurt covered pretzels                  200cal
6pm: 5/8 chicken/bacon/cheese quesadilla       1087cal
10pm: Unjury shake made with Silk                  180cal
Total calories consumed:     3,300

That is a HUGE GLARING IN YOUR FACE PROBLEM. Well, technically, its in MY face--and that's the problem.

I didn't realize how much/often I was eating every day. And this probably has alot EVERYTHING to do with why I am not losing more weight. The worst part is, I didn't get any walking in yesterday. So, I had nothing to even off set a paltry few calories in my favor.

So, today I am determined to do better. I started off the day right. I had protein for breakfast and the yogurt pretzels are gone (so, okay, I actually finished them all yesterday--small victory?). I walked for 25 minutes before work this morning--and the ELB and I will walk another hour tonight when I get home.

I am writing everything down. I am starting this with a renewed sense of WANT. This is what I WANT and this is what I will GET--it all depends on me.

I WANT to be successfull.
I WANT to be healthy.
I WANT to be at a somewhat normal weight.
I WANT to fit comfortably in chairs.
I WANT to wear cute clothes.
I WANT to be a beautiful bride when the day comes.
I WANT to be able to carry and have a healthy baby.
I WANT to live a long happy life with the ELB and with our future family.
I WANT to make my dad proud (even though he doesn't know that I had the surgery).
I WANT to be the best possible person I can be.

I WANT to inspire others to take the steps they need to take in their own lives.

Back to basics

This morning, I decided that I'm going to try an experiment.

I'm going to go back to basics, and I'm going to start doing the food plan that I was on during the six month preop class phase. I was relatively successfull at that, losing 38lbs in about four months.  All I did was increase my activity level (check!), and count calories.

I know that I should be trying to stay around 1,000 calories a day with my band--but something isn't working on that end. I'm probably eating too much (I've been a slacker with tracking my cal/protien intake), and for some reason, I have this idea in my head that if I can eat it, then I need it. Which is totally WRONG! Even though I've been maintaining and not gaining, I really want to be LOSING.

So, back to basics. I'm even going to start off at the same calorie level the nutritionist had me on previously (2,000/day) and I'll begin to wean myself down to where I should be over the next few weeks. As long as I stay UNDER that number every day, that is really the goal.  And I'll start chipping away at that 2,000 until I get it under 1200. And hopefully along the way, I will see some weight start coming off.

Fingers crossed that this can help me get myself back into the mindset that I need to be in going forward. When I was in my class phase, it was so easy to say "NO" to things like candy and chocolate because I knew that they would detract from my daily calories. Lately, I've been saying "yes, please!" to these things. 

I know that the Lap Band is just a tool to help me with my weight loss--it's not going to do it for me. I need to do this for me.

My first step starts today.

Its getting Hot Hot Hot!

So, the weather here in Baltimore has been cray cray this past week. Yesterday saw it hit 97 degrees!

The ELB and i got up early (7:30) and headed out to get our errands done before it got unbearable. We were able to stop for breakfast ( yes, i had a bacon egg cheese biscuit), we got to sams club, kohls, and giant and we were home by 10:30. Luckily we have an add on to my dads business membership so  we get to take advantage of the early business hours. #awesome!

So by the time most people were getting up we were home, groceries unpacked, and going back to bed for a nap. Since i slept away most of the afternoon, the biscuit wasn't as detrimental as it could have been because i didn't eat all day.

On another note, the other night i was trying to find a creative use for all the kale stems. I read that you can use them to make pesto, but since i didn't have any pine nuts i decided to try something else. Since i love oven roasted veggies, i tried roasting them. In concept a great idea, in execution, not so much. They smelled great and tasted good, but were very difficult to eat. Extremely tough and chewey and probably not band friendly-they caused a slight stick. No wonder you pull them out and don't use them!

Today i made veggie noodleless lasagna and baked some salted caramel brownie bites for the ELB.
I feel bad because i haven't exercised all weekend. 

Will definitely need to work on that this week!