Weekend Recap and stuff

1. Had a car accident right after leaving the office on Friday. Of course, being Friday--everything closes early. Had to race to get everything done--including to the rental car place before they closed at 6pm. Thankfully, my tow truck driver was super nice and after he dropped my car, he took me to the rental place. I got there with 8 minutes to spare!
2.  I held it together and hardly cried at all. The ELB suggested that we go out so that I could destress (ie: drink alcohol). We went to dinner at Fridays, where I did not drink. I did eat a pretty sensible meal (minus a few tortilla chips and salsa).  We went to the movies, where I did not eat chocolate or popcorn.
3. Saturday, I slept late. We got in from the movies around 1am, and then had to unwind--so bed was around 2:30. The ELB still had to go to DC, but I decided to stay home to do all the things that I had planned to do on Friday when things got derailed--worked out on the elliptical for 20 minutes, washed my work clothes for the week, scrubbed the bathroom (tub and shower). I made boiled cabbage (another one of my healthy stink foods, as the ELB likes to call them). I don't remember eating anything way off plan, or doing any stress binge eating, although we did order pizza--of which I only had two slices.
4. Sunday, I wanted out of the house, so we went for a drive to PA to visit the ELBS favorite little hoagie shop. He ordered the 20 inch full on chicken cheesesteak hoagie. I ordered the 10 inch roasted pork with sauteed spinach. He ate 1/2 of his, and I ate 1/2 of mine. :) I was full--almost too full with the bread. We stopped at Wegmans on the way home and picked up some cookies (8 regular size cookies), and some PopCorners chips. I love these things. We get the triangle ones, and the sea salt and caramel are our faves so far. I did eat some cookies, but since we only bought 8 total, it was easy to not binge on them.
5. Monday, back to work and dealing with the car insurance, the body shop that called and said, "Our techs won't be able to look at your car until Monday, August 5th because they are closed for the whole week for vacation". WTF. Seriously? So that was another thing I had to deal with--transferring my car to another bodyshop so that they could get to work sooner rather than later on it. My insurance people are great. I just hope I get my car back soon. I was so freaking stressed ALL DAY yesterday. And busy! I'm covering for a coworker, plus my own work, plus dealing with the car issue...I made it to the bathroom ONCE in 10 hours. I ate healthy (I was too busy to be hungry). I walked before work, and then went home and did the elliptical last night, and I didn't eat a huge dinner (although I did have two cookies).
6. Things seem to be way calmer today. I hope this bodes well for the rest of the week and that yesterday was just a fluke. I did six laps this morning. It's a gorgeous day.

NSV? sorta....

So, today is jeans day at work. The one day a week we can wear something other than business attire--and I'm really HATING my jeans right now.

A few months ago, I tried to find a pair of jeans that were a size down from where I was at the time. I could tell that it wouldn't be long before my current jeans were bagging out and looking bad. I looked and looked and looked, and couldn't find anything that would even begin to fit AND flatter my changing shape. So, I picked up a 'goal' pair of jeans that were two sizes down from where I was.

My current jeans are bagging out. The crotch hangs down about 4 inches too low.  They swim around my hips. I can hike them up, Urkel style, to right under my boobs. That's a good thing, right?

You would think it would be IF I could find a pair of jeans that would fit me now. However, my goal jeans for September (size 26) are still too small. All of the clothes that I have from my mom are still too small (they are majority 22-24). I can't find a decent pair of jeans that fit me right--apparently, I have the beginning of an hourglass shape--narrow waist, wide hips. So jeans that fit me in the waist make me look like a sausage from the hips down. Jeans that fit over my (still) ginormous thighs sag everwhere else.

I feel selfconscious and uncomfortable in my baggy sloppy jeans. I think that these jeans make me look HUGE and FAT. Yes, I know, I am still both of those things--but 67lbs LESS so when I got these jeans. I hate going out on weekends, because I don't have anything that fits me and is both comfortable and flattering. All of my work clothes looks like they belong to someone alot bigger than me. We are going to DC tomorrow, and I hate all my clothes. I have NOTHING to wear.

It's a win/lose. Win because I'm losing weight. Lose because I can't look cute doing it. I wish I could just walk into Walmart and buy a pair of jeans--but I don't think that even those would fit yet.

I checked the 'Will a few weeks ago, but didn't find anything that I could even begin to fit in there. And lets be honest--fat girl jeans get worn out in certain areas before other places (namely, the inner thighs because of friction), so I don't even know if I could find a good pair at a consignment shop.

I just have to suck it up work harder so that I can get into my goal jeans sooner.

Four months today

Today is my four month bandiversary.

I'm happy that I'm finally seeing some movement on the scale, and hope that I can continue the trend. I know that some of you may scoff and be like, "but Luka, it's only 6.8 pounds and you really should be losing at least 2lbs a week." Well, considering I only lost 4 lbs in the first three months post surgery (and 3 of that was within my two week post op period), I am ECSTATIC about my loss this month.

I know that we are all different. We all lose at different rates. And I know that some of you have way more will power than I do. Or you have access to gyms and exercise classes. Or you don't work in an office where absolutely no one knows you've had surgery--and you want to keep it that way (and sometimes that necessitates eating the occasional bagel or piece of birthday cake to keep up appearances). Or you don't have to buy and cook food for two people who eat entirely different menus (because I don't think it's fair to deprive the ELB of what he likes because of me).

All of these things are challenges that I have to deal with every single day. I know, I know--#firstworldproblems . But they are all factors that can make or break a weight loss effort--especially for someone who has never been successful with weight loss in the past.

I'm going to keep working hard at walking/elliptical as much as I can (every single day!), counting my calories, and making healthy decisions (the lemon meringue pie blizzard I had last night not withstanding). Come October, I hope to be able to join a gym and start some serious toning-and maybe some Zumba. But that will come in the future. Right now, it's not feasible because of expenses and location. So I will use my  3lb and 8lb hand weights, and my resistance bands, and my elliptical, and the sidewalk around my building at work and I will get healthier. I will. I am determined to.

My goal is to lose eight pounds by my next visit in August. It will be difficult because I will be out of town for a part of it, enduring stressful situations (family related), but I will get through. And you all will get through your obstacles and reach your goals, too.

Now that I've had a sample taste of success--it's much sweeter than ANY treat that Dairy Queen has to offer.

Happy dance

I was wary but my hard work paid of. I lost just under 7 pounds
.
My surgeon was happy...he thinks I'm close to the green zone and didn't give me a fill because of my loss. He said to go another month and we will see if I'm still losing consistently. His reasoning being that if I'm being successful where I'm at that a fill could actually detract from that if it gets to tight. I'm in total agreement!
I also saw the nutritionist before I left. She said that she was so happy with my progress, and I thanked her for all the info she gave me last month that helped me.
My next checkup is September 28.
Lets Hope the scale keeps climbing down!

Retail....Exercise?

Last night, I wasn't able to go home after work and do my elliptical. The ELB and I share a car (because parking in the city is horrible), plus we really don't need the expense of two cars.  That's what public transportation is for.

Anyways, sometimes, one of us will have time to spend time on our own when the other has a commitment.  The ELB had an event that he was working, so I had some time to fill.  Since I wasn't able to get my workout on at home, I got one at the mall.

I went to the Hunt Valley Town Center (an outdoor mall anchored with a Wegmans). I had been planning to go to Wegmans tonight after my fill, but instead went last night to fill time. I picked a neutral parking spot, and then I walked and walked and walked for two hours. I went to DSW and looked at shoes. I went to Burlington and looks at sunglasses (bought two pairs plus a case for $22). I went to 5Below and looked at fun stuff (and got a solar dancing flower for $1). And then I went to Wegmans and walked around an around looking for the things on my list (I love Wegmans but it's not my usual grocery store--so I don't know the layout). But the whole time, I was moving. I did not sit. And I think that this counts as a workout. Every step is exercise.

Most of my exercise is retail related, especially during the day. On my lunch break, if I have to run to Sams Club and Walmart--then I think that those count as exercise--especially since I only get an hour for lunch--and that includes my travel time to and from--so usually I am speed walking to get errands done. I've met friends at Target on hot days to walk around the store and just catch up--and get some walking in.

The only drawback to retail exercise if the spending of money--also called retail therapy. But I think I did pretty good. I spent $24 on stuff for me (I really needed sunglasses--I have lost screws in two pairs in the past few weeks and I was stuck with this expensive pair of Brightons that my aunt gave me--and which I absolutely HATE--I prefer my new pairs that I paid less than $10 a pair for!) and $60 on groceries. It could have been worse, but I was strong and walked away from the shoes. All of the bright and colorful shoes. And donuts. And french baguettes. And the BBQ by the pound buffet with fixins'. Sigh.

Countdown to my appt today. Fingers crossed. Once I finish my coffee, I'm going to slam water the rest of the day to try to flush out my system and any water weight that's hanging around. I hope that I have a lower number to report tomorrow!

Steps..or stairs..or things I fall down occasionally

I had thought of a great post to write about 1.5 hours ago...and then I was like, "No, do your real work first--then come back and write your post. That way you can get something accomplished, and then dedicate time without being rushed to your awesomeness". 

And now I forgot what I was thinking was so awesome a mere 90 minutes ago.

So, yeah.  I'm awesome in the way that my mind is like an etch-a-sketch....just the slightest tilt sometimes can erase a whole idea.

BTW, am I the ONLY one who ever played with an etch-a-sketch and couldn't do more than make steps? The thing is, I never even OWNED an etch-a-sketch of my own. I only played with them at friends houses or at church.  But the IDEA of etch-a-sketch was so appealing, that I would pretty much run to it every.single. time.  But in reality--it kind of sucked.

You think, "today, I'm going to make something great".  And you end up with...steps...to nowhere. Every single time.

And that's kind of what losing weight is like. You are all excited when you start the journey, and after you start it, your enthusiasm fades--and you realize that all you really know how to do isn't much--just making steps. Big steps. Little steps.  Occasionally, you actually make a few symmetrical steps before you drop the ball and wipe out all of your progress.  And eventually you just give it up, and walk away because it's too hard. It takes alot of work and concentration and dedication to be successfull at it. 

But I've realized that when you have a little bit of help--like a Lap Band --then maybe it gets a little easier with time.  And if you add in a support system of like minded people who are on the same journey, it gives you courage to keep going--because you can see where you've come from--and you can also see how far you have left to go. And the ones that have gone before you can show you the way.  And the ones that come behind you are looking to you for guidance.

And yeah, you might still be making nothing but steps--more and more and more steps---but they are steps in the right direction.

Kind of cheesy, huh?

Another recipe that I didn't like

It was too hot to do anything this weekend, so the ELB and I did nothing. We only opened the door long enough to grabe the paper and mail, and that's it. But I did do some elliptical on Saturday. Go me!

I made kale chips. It was an experiment..and probably one that I will not be repeating.

If you didn't already know, I LOVE KALE. I like to cook it and eat it in many different ways. And I've seen the bags of kale chips at Trader Joes but couldn't justify spending $3 for a little bag of air when I can get a huge bag of real fresh kale from the farmers market for only $2.

I tried it. It was...interesting. Here's the before and after. Disclaimer--I did actually divide the before kale between two baking sheets b/c it needed room. I just didn't like the taste of them when they were done.

Before:



After:



I ate most of the kale chips, but when I made dinner, I actually ended up adding them to my veggie mix and rehydrating them because I didn't want them to go to waste.

I go for my 4 month followup--3rd fill appointment on Wednesday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I see a measurable loss this month. I have upped my exercise, lowered my calories, and have been working hard to fix some of my eating habits (mainly not drinking while eating and waiting 30 mins after eating to drink). So, we will see what happens!

Sugar shock just from watching

Last night, I watched the Wendy Williams show when I got home from work.  Her special guest star was Mama June (mother of Honey Boo Boo).  Let me preface this by saying that other than seeing Honey Boo Boo on an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras like 5 years ago, I have no knowledge of the whole family dynamic.

Mama June was there to talk about the new book, she made some recipes, and she touched slightly on her weight loss (supossedly 100 pounds without surgery). I was interested in how she lost 100 pounds, especially since she still looks pretty much the exact same as she did preweight loss. They didn't discuss it--Mama June just said that she lost the weight because she is doing more running around with the show.  She apparently went from a Lane Bryant size 26 to a Lane Bryant size 18.  I don't know.

Now the good part.  Apparently, she has recipes, and she shared with Wendy Williams. The first recipe was for spaghetti (but they called it 'sgetti, I think). I don't know what I expected, but it far surpassed my daytime talk TV nightmares.

3 sticks of butter
1 whole bottle of ketchup
microwave butter and ketchup together until the butter melts, and then stir it up.
Pour over a big pot of cooked spaghetti noodles.

I WISH I could make this stuff up. This literally made my stomach cringe just thinking of the empty fat and calories in that meal. It's supossed to taste like Chef Boyardee--but I will NOT be making it to find out. And not a lick of protien in there!

The second recipe was for something called chunky baked beans. From what I could gather, this is what I saw go into the pan:
6 cans of baked beans
1 cup of brown sugar
12 hotdogs torn into pieces (of which Mama June was eating while she was tearing)
a pound of cooked bacon
optional: bbq sauce, molasses, honey, ketchup, etc

Mix all that together and bake it. Again, the sugar alone is enough to cause a diabetic coma. Canned baked beans are good, but chock full of sugar. Then to add another full cup of sugar! And even more sugar if you add the additional options of bbq sauce, molasses, etc? My new name for this dish? Diabetic coma in a tin foil pan. I'm getting it trademarked. So don't think about using it. 

But to publicize this type of recipe in a country with an obesity epidemic, it just kills me. And I actually have to wonder how many people saw these recipes, and then made them for dinner for their kids?

The ELB and I don't have a little knee-biter yet--but we will one day--and I can only hope that I have learned from my lifetime of food mistakes and weight battles to help him/her to grow up normal and healthy and without the same issues that I have had my entire life.

Tight fit

For those if you who are not acquainted with the Baltimore row house, they are long and narrow and tall. Our house is seriously like 10 feet wide.

This is a picture of my elliptical set up in the kitchen. I'm getting ready to use it. I invested in a model that folds because of the lack of space. But its very good quality and weighs like 600 pounds. It is a PITA to set up, but its a sacrifice I'm making again.

Please ignore the messy stove and my pile of recycling. I clean the kitchen at night so its a little cluttered right now.

Staying (close) to plan

Since my last fill appt, per the nutritionist, I have been working to stay around (or under) 1500 calories a day. Some days are easier than others. Yesterday, I really thought that I would have trouble staying under because of stress. But, shockingly, I only went over by 115 calories. I had a roll with Smart Balance with my zucchini/kale/chicken/mushroom/bean throwpot. I don't know if throwpot is a real thing--but basically, 99% of the time, this is how I cook dinner. I am a LOVER of the one pot meal. Call me a casserole girl, for sure!

How to make a throwpot (a term I totally just made up while typing this post). I pull out veggies and assorted ingredients from the fridge. I cut them up, I throw them in my favorite deep Kitchen Aid skillet with olive oil and minced garlic and salt. I cook until they start to get tender, then throw in some protein. I usually use grilled chicken and/or beans that have been drained and rinsed. There is usually some sort of tomato element involved (spaghetti sauce, diced tomatos, plain tomato sauce), and some seasoning. I simmer this for an additional 10-20 minutes until its all melded flavor wise. I scoop into a bowl, and depending on which way the flavors are going (spicy mexican or italian), I top with either a scoop of Fage Greek 0% yogurt, or with a dash of parmesan cheese.

There are always leftovers for the next night or two, which is totally awesome because who wants to cook every single night, especially when it's hot as Hades right now?

When I added up my calories for the day, including my dinner (and the three mini bite size candies that I did eat at 42 calories each) I was sitting pretty at 1466.  Then I remembered that I had a roll, and that bumped it over. Oh well--it's not the end of the world. That roll was alot less calories than a donut (or three) would have been. Right?

So, today I was right back on track. Then I ended up going to the farm to get kale for babygirl (and me) and picked up lunch there. They have this awesome lunch that I love (two sides with a drink for $3.50), and since I'm broke, and I haven't eaten out this week--well, I got my lunch. And I ate every single bite of the collard greens and hashbrown casserole. I am full--but not stuffed--and it was good. And I counted for my calories and I will be awesome the rest of the day, and life goes on.

I plan on using the elliptical tonight when I get home--even though my thighs are still screaming at me for Monday night. I also walked 4 laps this morning, so I do have that going on in my favor.

It's hump day, ya'll! It's all downhill from here!

Random crap--I know it's not Thursday. And it may or may not be ten things

1. I was so excited to go home last night and see that the ELB had moved my elliptical to the kitchen for me. I totally did 15 minutes (5 minutes of using it while trying to remember how to control the computer part, 10 minutes nonstop once I figured it out). My thighs are very sore today.

2. I walked 4 laps this morning to try to work out the thigh stiffness, because sitting all day is not a good thing when you are sore. I will not use the elliptical tonight--I will wait until tomorrow.

3. My professional organization costs $180 a year for membership. I signed up to do an installment plan of $45 every three months. I checked my account today, and the SOB's took out the FULL amount. I am officially BROKE until next payday because of their incompetence. I anger cried.

4. The only positive thing is that instead of going and getting something and eating my stress and anger, I did nothing. No chocolate. No cookies. No chips. I've been sitting here stewing since talking to customer service. I'm not even hungry. I'm PISSED. But that doesn't seem to translate to hunger today. Small victory?

5.  I'm still pissed. And broke. There goes my one lunch out this week, not to mention all of my gas money. I hope I can make it till Friday before I need gas in the car. Thankfully, my EZ Pass just reupped yesterday. Thanks professional organization to remain nameless for making my life SUPER DUPER stressful. Much love.

6.  Luckily, the groceries I got at lunch (before I knew about this error) I put on my other bank account--otherwise, I would have been overdrawn pretty badly. And my bank charges a crapload for an overdraft fee. Thank God for small miracles.

7.  I am so angry! I can feel it sitting in my chest--a big lump of yelling and cursing and F-bombs--waiting to tear out of my body like that alien in that movie about aliens....maybe it was Alien? I forget. But you get the picture.

8.  Now that I think about it--why am I not hungry? WTF. I always turn to food in these type of situations.  There's a snack machine chock full of Snickers and Oreos and Utz chips and other fatty/salty/sugar treats designed to make me feel better in this situation. Seriously? This has never happened to me before.

9.  Have you ever seen that movie Serial Mom? Wasn't that a great movie? The ELB and I both have an appreciation for it--and we both saw it years before we even met! Talk about kismet. Okay, that was totally more random than my other random thoughts.

10. Ha, I made you read to ten. And now I'm tapped. I'm emotionally and physically spent after that stress. The alien must have fallen asleep b/c I'm significantly less angry than I was when I started typing this post.

It's little battles that win the war

I have been craving donuts for weeks now. One day,  I stopped at Wawa for gas, and on the gas pump was an ad for 6 donuts for $3, right inside the store. Any six donuts I wanted for only $3. All I had to do was go get them.  And I was tempted. Pink iced Homer Simpsons, chocolate iced cream filled, blueberry cake...all of my old friends, just waiting for me to come and take them home.

I got in my car and drove away. I very rarely, if ever, actually go into a store to pay for gas. I pay at the pump--and it keeps me honest.

But that idea of donuts has been there, festering. I almost convinced myself last week that I should just go get them, and eat them, and get rid of this craving. That would be the smart thing to do, right? Satisfy the craving so it goes away--and then move on.

Today, on the way to run an errand, I had to drive past Dunkin Donuts TWICE--on the way to, and the way back. And it would have been super easy to hit the drive through and just get one donut--heck, who am I kidding--two donuts, and eat them on the way back to the office.

And the more I tried to justify it, the more I realized that I was winning the battle with the donuts. I didn't really want them anymore. I liked the IDEA of the donuts. I liked to imagine the taste of the doughy glazed pink iced with sprinkles...how sweet and satisfying it would be. And then I started thinking about things that I wanted more. To fit into that new pair of jeans this fall that are patiently waiting for me in my closet. To fit in a stadium seat this winter when the ELB and I go to hockey games. To fit comfortably EVERYWHERE.

And I left the donuts behind. I drove right past them. And I won.

I know that the this is only a small battle in the giant war that I'm fighting--but every little battle gets me one step closer to winning the war. And I want to win this war.

Fail

I don't know what i did wrong but my apple cinnamon oatmeal zucchini bread didn't turn out as well this time. I think i used more zucchini and didn't account for that in baking time or with batter. The first time i made it it turned out great.

The banana peanutbutter zucchini bread was an epic fail. Again i probably needed to bake it longer. And i probably should have used the powdered peanutbutter instead of the jiff natural. I think it made it to heavy, and it just turned out to wet. I will work on this recipe for the future.

Oh well. Now i know.

Today i oven roasted some green and yellow squash and some cauliflower. I also made my chicken salad for lunch this week. I grilled some chicken for quick dinners the next couple days. I washed dishes. Its been a quiet day.

Yummy

I found these at Walmart yesterday morning...and they are delicious! Only 80 calories per cookie.

Right now I have two loaves of apple cinnamon oatmeal zucchini brad in the oven, to be followed by two loaves of banana peanut butter oatmeal zucchini bread.

The banana is an experiment. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Reason # 4372 of why I hate kids

I hate kids. I really do. Or maybe it's not kids so much, as the parents who raise spoiled entitled little brats.

Case in point, on Tuesday, I went to Panera for lunch with my coworkers.  As we were walking out, there were three boys (probably around 8-10 years of age) sitting at a table on the patio--obvs waiting for their mom.

As we walked by, they all starting going "MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOO!". Repeatedly. My coworkers are like, "Why are they mooing? Is that a new game, to pretend to be cows?".  I didn't say anything. I knew why they were mooing. They were mooing at me. And I was too embarassed to let my coworkers know that.

My coworkers don't have weight issues. They are petite and normal. I am not. I am 6ft tall and still weigh over 350 lbs. I am a 'big girl'. And apparently, little boys think its funny to moo at fat people.

I really wanted to wait for the parent to come back so that I could tell them about teaching kids to respect others. I wanted to track her down inside the restaurant and ask her to teach her kids humility. But I know what I would have found--a tiny petite entitled skinny bitch who lives every day to be a MILF--and who would probably deny that her little bags of DNA would do such a thing--while she secretely laughs at the fat girl--just like she did in high school.

I am 36 years old. I should be able to go to lunch and not have to worry about rude kids ruining my lunch. I should be able to walk down a street without people whipping out cell phones to snap my picture to show their friends, or yelling at me from their car windows. Or staring--whipping their heads around so violently that they almost drive into oncoming traffic.

But for some little punk ass kids to ridicule someone with a weight problem in public--that crosses the line. And it makes me angry. And it makes me sad. Sad that children can bully adults. Sad that children can bully other children. Sad that I spent a majority of my life being bullied for my weight--and it never stops. I thought once I got out of elementary and went to HS that things would be different. Wrong. I thought once I got out of the immaturity of HS and into college, that things would be better. People in college aren't like HS. Super wrong. People in college are the SAME PEOPLE from HS--just older and often, drunker. I thought that once I was out of college and in the real world, people wouldn't revert to childish behavior in professional environments. Wow, I was SO wrong about that one.

I had a woman in a Lexus yell at me that I should " Try to lose some weight..because you're so fat".  Ironically, I was walking, trying to do just that. I yelled back at her, "Is that the best you can do? Because your SO CREATIVE! I've NEVER heard that one before" before she sped off.

What justifies people to act like this? Why is weight discrimination still acceptable? When will it change? Will it ever get better? Or will demons for the overwight always be lurking in the form of mean kids and skinny bitches and discrimination? 

Yes, I am biased to skinny bitches. Why not? They are biased to me. Apparently, FAT is contagious!

better than yesterday

So, yesterday I had a case of the Mondays.  On Tuesday, no less.

Today is better. Alot of it has to do with PMS (Aunt Flow is SUCH a cow!) and the culmination of hormones and emotions that mark this time for me every month. Tie in my dads remarriage last week, the heat and humidity, and just regular life stress of work and bills, coupled with a tense situation with the ELB, and I just felt like everything was falling apart around me.

We hugged it out when I got home (my favorite place in the world is in his arms), and we are almost back to normal.

I ate way too many calories yesterday (chocolate croissant from Panera, anyone?), some assorted candies in the afternoon, and then I did attempt to salvage my day with a good healthy italian zucchini stew for dinner...but the damage was already done. However, I am back on track today. I walked five laps this morning. I will walk again at lunch with my coworker before having my healthy packed lunch from home.

I saw a quick and easy protien popsicle recipe on another blog, but I can't find the link to it right now.  But the recipe was 1 cup 0% greek yogrut, 2 cups almond milk (do you think I can use soy?), and 2 scoops of whey protien powder. Pour into popsicle molds. I want to try these--but need to find the molds. And room in the freezer for them.

I really sorry that it seems like I'm such a Debbie Downer lately. And I appreciate everyone who still decides to read what I put out there, and offer support. Thank you.

mediocrity

Last night, I ate M&Ms. Today, at lunch, I had a chocolate croissant.

It is so easy to fall back into the old familiar habits when you get hit emotionally.

I don't feel like I am in a good place with anything right now. Not diet wise. Not job wise. Not relationship wise. Not anything wise. Sometimes, it just feels like everything is against me. That no matter what I do, or how hard I work, I will never ever get ahead. Financially. Physically. Emotionally.

I don't really feel like going home right now. Too stressfull. But I have nowhere else to go.

I want to run away. To Canada. Or Mexico. But I'm too poor to renew my passport. And too poor to do anything once I did get to whereever I was going.

So, I'll keep coming to work. And keep going home at night. And keep living this same boring mundane life.

#slacker

I got up this morning and realized that  I did not write down a single thing I put into my mouth all weekend. I know that I need to be better about that--and usually I am--it just got away from me this weekend.

I don't think I did too badly. I ate alot of zucchini/squash quinoa casserole yesterday (seriously, this is like a slider food for me--I would rather eat this than ice cream or cookies). Saturday, I made the doughless pizza (with turkey pepperoni and LF mozzerella) and I kind of munched on that all day. I did have six Tyson chicken nuggets and a Mikes Hard Cherry Lemonade on Friday night with the ELB. But I think that my food choices have been good, I ate every meal at home all weekend, and other than about 10 M&Ms yesterday, nothing really bad stands out.

I snagged some more (free) zucchini and squash this morning. I think that I might make the zucchini bread again, and I'm thinking that I could also add zucchini to a banana bread, too. I also just like zucchini and squash, and will probably eat it all week as dinner sides. I picked up some mushrooms today, so I can keep making my awesomness.

I got to work this morning and banged out 5 laps in 20 mins, then had my egg white muffin sandwich and my Unjury iced coffee (4 oz soy milk with two tsps of Unjury powder and SF torani syrup over ice with 6oz of instant Maxwell House coffee). I figure that if I drink that in the morning, I get some protien, I get some caffiene, and I get alot of water, because I use an entire tray of ice cubes when I make it--and I will drink it until all the ice is melted and gone. I was drinking iced tea, but I found myself sipping it all day long--and not getting my water in--which was really bad. So once I'm done with my iced coffee, I switch to water the rest of the day.

I have plans to pack all week, except for tomorrow when I go out with a coworker. We will most likely go to Panera, and I will most likely end up with either Broccoli Cheddar or French Onion soup. Both are my standbys, and their calories are easily accountable.

Nothing up and coming, no trips to take, no fun things planned. Life is back to the usual routine. Still need to get the ELB to get the elliptical moved so that I can use it on days (like this weekend) when it was just too hot to walk outside. I didn't get any exercise all weekend, and I feel really bad about that.

Happy Monday.

Saturday phone post

Todays eating had been out of control. W.T.F. It feels like I've been insatiable.

I made the doughless pizza today. It was ok. I don't think I'll make it again. Just not my thing, i guess. And the ELB will be the one that has to suffer with my eggy piffles all night.

Totally random awesome(ness)

Some totally awesome randomness:

My company changed their minds again about letting us go early on Wednesday, and my friends were able to change plans once again to meet up for drinks. I totally went over my calories on Wedneday--but I'm not letting it get me down. I had my (awesome) peach moonshine margarita, and chips and dip and 1/2 of a lunch size steak quesadilla. Everyone had a great time, and we were super happy we were able to to afterall!

Yesterday, I made apple cinnamon oatmeal zucchini bread. And it is DELICIOUS! And not so bad for you, either. I'll post the recipe below.I didn't think to take a picture to post with it.  

This morning, I put on my jeans (that I have to dry in the dryer now to get them to fit a little bit better until they bag out), and realized that they are looser than last Friday when I wore them. NSV! I asked the ELB if I thought I was imagining things, and he said no, that they were baggier today than last week. That motivated me to do 4 laps this morning in 15 mins, despite the crazy humidity. I'm also walking 4 laps at lunch with my friend before we eat.

The office is dead today--only three of us in our department (out of 8). The rest of the building is also on skeleton crew. I actually don't mind working the day after a holiday so much--the phones usually stay quiet, and even though I'm covering for my coworker--it's not that bad! Countdown to 4:30!

So, here's my awesome recipe!

Lukas kick-ass awesome zucchini bread (that's kinda healthy for you)

1 3/4 cups shredded zucchini (not the seeds though, squeezed in papertowels to remove excess water--save the insides for something else--I ate them later with some shirataki noodles)
1 medium apple, peeled and shredded--but throw the core away
1 3/4 cups of oatmeal (I used quick cook but traditional rolled should work, too)
2 eggs
3/4 cup sugar
dash of salt
1 3/4 cups of flour
3/4 cups sugar free apple sauce
cinnamon (I used alot--like 1TBSP)
Vanilla (about 2 TBSP)
3/4 cup Smart Balance oil
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder

Okay, so you mix together the sugar, vanilla, eggs, and apple sauce until blended.  Add the squeezed zucchini and shredded apple and stir up really good.

In another bowl, mix together the dry ingredients, and stir until blended. Add to the egg mixture and stir until well mixed. You want it to be kind of wet--that extra moisture will be absorbed by the oatmeal.

Put into two greased loaf pans and bake at 350 for 50 mins. Remove, and cover with a clean dish towel for about 30 minutes--then remove from the pans and put on baking rack to finish cooling.

It turned out really good! I brought in one loaf to work today to share. Let me know if you try it.

Happy Friday!

Crap day

It's blechy and rainy and humid and gross out. I have totally been rocking my new Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum and a ceramic brush to blow out my hair--today, I didn't even waste the time. I just scrunch moussed it up and let it fly.

No girls night out. My work hours were changed today and we had to cancel. I told the others they could go ahead and go without me, but they said it wouldn't be the same without me. I was really looking forward to trying the peach moonshine margarita at Don Pablos tonight, but instead, we are going to head to Noodles and Co for lunch. I've been researching my options all morning and have decided on the Chicken Med flatbread sandwich and a side of the tomato bisque soup. 490cals total. I have good friends.

I walked this morning before the rain showed up. We are stuck between two weird pressure systems, and every day this week has been muggy, blechy, gross, and rainy with intermittant spots of no rain and a dash of sunshine thrown in--just enough to make it hotter and more gross--and to make you miss the sun when it leaves again.

No plans for tomorrow. The ELB and I are not really holiday people. Besides, Baltimore is kind of having this problem with shootings lately. As of this morning, there have been 44 shootings in the city since June 21. Not everyone dies from being shot, but the poverty, high crime, prevelance of guns, and heat make for interesting bed fellows.  Our murder numbers have already passed last year at this time--and it's looking like Baltimore might reach a new record high by the end of the year. Not exatly a cause for celebration.   

The city does an awesome fireworks display over the Inner Harbor, the same harbor where Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner. The harbor is only six blocks from our house (about a mile). We have lived here four years, and have yet to go--we watch it on TV. There is too much violence and too many tourists to justify it. Why invite trouble?

I know this is a rambling post today. Sorry about that. I have procured more zucchini from the abundance that was brought in today, and am contemplating trying to create an oatmeal/apple/cinnamon zucchini bread tomorrow. Don't worry--I like to bake alot--but I also know that I can't keep it around--so it will be coming to work on Friday for coworkers to share. I am also planning to make the flourless pizza crust that Hollee posted on her blog. That's all for me. 

Happy July 3rd.

It's Zucchini time!

One of my favorite seasons is Zucchini season! I will eat some Hella Zucchini from now until it stops being free. I have an awesome boss that plants a huge garden and shares the bounty. Zucchini season is followed by cucumber season, and then tomato season.

I usually just sautee the zucchini with onions and mushrooms in olive oil and garlic. Sometimes, I add a can of diced tomatos. And of course, there is alot to be said for a good zucchini casserole. I like zucchini bread, (ask me about my chocolate chip zucchini cake) but honestly, I would rather have it savory.

I made up a new recipe last night using quinoa and zucchini that turned out SO GOOD that I just have to share. The bad part is, it makes a 9x11 baking dish of it. The good news is, it tastes just as good the next day! I LOVE leftovers! And it seemed pretty band friendly because it's not rice!

Luka's super duper awesome zucchini and quinoa casserole
ingredients:
1 medium or 2 small green zucchini (washed, trimmed, quartered, and sliced)
1 medium or 2 small yellow squash (washed, trimmed, quartered, and sliced)
1/2 cup fresh chopped Shitake mushrooms (white mushrooms work just as well)
1/2 cup chopped sweet onion
1/2 cup chopped peppers (I like tricolor peppers)
2TBSP minced garlic (I like garlic)
salt to taste
1/2-3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2-3/4 cup shredded pepper jack cheese
1 can reduced fat cream of mushroom soup
1 1/2 cups Silk (plain) or skim milk (add more if needed)
1/2 cup egg whites (or 1 egg beaten)
1.5 cups of chopped grilled chicken breast (optional)
2 cups cooked white quinoa

Cook the quinoa in the chicken broth (or regular water) per package directions. Sautee the minced garlic, onion, mushroom, squash, and zucchini in a large skillet until tender with a dash of salt.

Spray a 9x11 baking dish, and mix together the cream of mushroom soup, milk, and egg white. When quinoa is done, mix with the vegetables and chicken, then place in baking dish. Pour milk/soup mix over the top and stir in so it's dispersed. Stir in the shredded cheese. Bake at 350F for one hour. Allow to cool for about 15 minutes to set.

I didn't do a calculation of calories and protien because everyone will make it differently. All I know is that it turned out awesome, and tasted delicious!

traveling

The ELB and I headed out to my dads this weekend for a quick visit (drive down Friday, drive back Saturday). The trip is about 5 hours each way--depending on traffic.

I forgot to write down everything that I ate, but I made smart choices and feel that I stayed under my calories on the trip (even though this trip was HELLA stressfull).

I packed healthy snacks (grilled chicken tenders, ham/swiss rolls, fiber one bars, and Annies organic snack mis) for the road munchies, and avoided fast food almost entirely. I did have a biscuit with gravy (400 cal) at Chickfila on Friday morning when I stopped to get the ELB some breakfast. Dinner out with my dad and his soon to be second wife on Friday was pizza, and I had two pieces. Saturday, I had a six inch flat bread from Subway (360 cal). Everything else I ate was grilled chicken or ham/swiss rolls. And some cookies. Not crazy cookie consumption--but over three days, I had three Berger cookies (140cal each), and about 3 Otterbein sugar cookies (33cal each). Used to be I would eat the whole package of cookies. I think that's a NSV if there ever was one! I also took a nice walk with the ELB on Friday night after dinner on the farm.

The ELB and I did had a small libation on Friday night (Mikes Hard Lemonade frozen pounches), and we slept like rocks. I only drank about 1/2 of mine--I can't handle alcohol real well--it makes me flushed and hot. So he drank the rest of mine.

So, all in all, I think I did okay with calories.

Yesterday, we slept late, and my eating was minimal. Well under my 1500 calories for the day.

Back to the grindstone today. I walked this morning before work, and will run errands and NOT eat out!  I have plans to go out to dinner with two of my work friends on Wednesday---Don Pablos for drinks and fajitas. So, I'll try to save calories for that so that I can stay on plan.

Happy Monday!